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- The show opens with baby factory Brooke Burke informing us that Supernova will be taking the stage with their brand new lead singer before the night is out.  Wow...they got the Orange County punk band to play tonight?  Nice job.  *cough*

- Sorry Brooke, I ain’t “hell-yay’in’ for Gilby Clarke, Tommy Lee OR Jason “gloves, gloves gloves” Newsted.

- I live for these 3,236,274 hour recaps.  Best.  TV.  Ever.

- Dave says it was a hell of a summer, and that he learned something about working together and not letting the rich yacht club guys push hm around.  or that was a Savage Steve Holland movie, I’m not sure.

- Brooke says the voting broke records.  Umm...what records?  Rock Star records?  We have no idea what that means in terms of volume because Mark Burnett is a pussy and won’t tell us numbers.  WHy?  He’s afraid of American Idol making his voting numbers look like Paris Hilton’s IQ score when compared to Einstein.  (Yay!  One last Paris Hilton joke!)

- Wow, the Dilana fans really stuffed that ballot box.  Or...they didn’t and the show is manipulating a Lukas/Dilana showdown.  Gee...whattya think my money is on?

- First Rocker up for the Tommyhawk is Magni.  No surprise. 

- Magni is doing Fire again?

OK, this is much better than the first time he did it.  More fun, more playful.  Way, way better than it was the first time, I actually wholeheartedly like this.

Magni is NOT being bland.  Could someone call hell and see if they need blankets?  Nice job, Iceman.  Tits McBaby agreed with me in those exact words.

- Toby is up next.  Damn, they are just trucking this along… He’s doing White Wedding.  OK, he does this well.

He’s a born stadium rocker.  He totally engages the crowd every time.  Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama could do a lot worse.  Good rendition.

Commercial time, while the band pretends to decide that they’ve already decided to send Magni home.

- Gilby prattles on about growing, something about the summer, then criticizes Magni for not fronting the band but instead blending in like...umm...a, uhh...an...umm...(insert name of native Icelandic animal here) on the icy fjords.  Then he tells Magni that it’s time to get exactly what Magni wants, to go home to see his family for awhile, get paid for a short Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama tour, then continue his pretty decent career with a newly energized homeland fanbase and a lot of new American fans as well.

Yeah...I’m sure Magni’s real broken up about this.  That shit-eating grin really looks like the Iceman is melting, right?

Dave kisses Magni’s ass, then Magni thanks the fans and the House Band, then thanks Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama, then the Rockers.  He went on to tearily cry ‘You like me, you really like me!” then he pulled up his skirt, grabbed his Oscar and ran off the stage.  What?  That’s exactly how it happened.

Gloves McPowerbassist said Mags will become King of Iceland.  And when he does, Jason’s life will be spared.

- Now we get a Lukas recap.  Then Satan’s tiny little stepson gets Lukas to say that Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama are really nice guys.

- Hey, look, it’s Bitch McFakesalot’s recap.  Can’t wait to hear what she has to say.  Navarro called her strong.  Yeah, NO.  She’s the opposite of strong.  She says that the band needs someone who is 1000% dedicated to music.

Dilana?  Honey?  That isn’t you.  You *want* to be that person, but you aren’t talented enough.  You aren’t intelligent enough and you don’t do your homework.  You don’t know where the music comes from, so you can’t really shape where it’s going.  Not that Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama will be shaping a goddamned thing...I speak as though you were competing to front some other band that was actually doing something interesting.

- Toby’s recap.  What, no clips of tequila shooters and cakefacing?  I feel cheated.  Toby tells the band he needs to be drunk and he’ll get crazier, also he’s taller, so hire him.  Sure.  I can see how height would be a requirement to stay out of the way of TLee’s third drumstick ifyaknowwhatImean.

- Tommy says we need to hear three more performances and we go to commercial. Then Verizon Wireless came to my house and shoved a Chocolate phone in my ass and called me thier little bitch.  I was assaulted and degraded by Verizon Wireless.  The whole time, though, we were jamming to some great vCast music!

- More songs we’ve already heard.  Brooke says that they’re the Rocker’s favorite songs of the summer.

- Lukas is first with Bittersweet Symphony.  But...umm...Brooke?  Honeybaby?  Lukas told us all that he didn’t even like this song, you just never aired it.  EVS, I guess it’s his “favorite” now.  I hate it when TV shows treat me like I’m as dumb as the airheads that host them.

The vocal is almost 2000% better than it was the first time he did it.

Call 9-1-1!  Lukas is having a seizure!  That’s not dancing, I don’t care what anyone says.  :)

Excellent job, Lukas.  You’re really trying to win this thing?  Hey, if you want it, good for you, brother.

- Dramilana is doing Zombie.  At least she’s going out strong.

Wow that leg is like a miracle recovery!  Someone should alert the Pope, Jesus must have had a hand in that rapid recovery from a torn calf muscle.  Can you say “sympathy vote?”

She’s knocking the vocal out of the park, but that was to be expected.  She’s been singing this song for years.

- Toby rides the Rand Wagon one more time with Somebody Told Me again.

Err...I don’t want to be a snarky bitch here (shut UP, don’t even say it) but...this...is kind of ass.  Why wouldn’t he pull out one of the songs that he rocked the room with?  His vocal is not great.  It sounds exactly like the first time he did it and I wasn’t impressed then.  I don’t think the song fits his voice at all.

- Brooke says give it up for the House Band.  They really are insanely good.  We go to commercial, and I’ve reinforced the door so Verizon Wireless can’t get in and ass-rape me again.

- We’re back, and the band is pretending that they didn’t decide to hire Lukas two weeks ago.  Jason uses the power of his gloves to illustrate his knowledge of geography.  He tells Toby that he can yell over guitars, and that he’s the Emeril Lagasse of rock what with the notch-kicking-up-ness, but then just as they’re about to make out, he kicks Toby in the balls, stomps on his face with a boot and calls him a right bloody little arsehole and to get the fuck off his stage.

So the big setup is Lukas versus Dilana.  What.  A.  Surprise.

Navarro says he’s great and his song is a hit, then Toby classes up the place by complimenting the hell out of Lukas and Dilana.  he thanks the band, then rides out on a wave of 18-year old virgins who won’t be after tonight.

- Dave says it’s down to the edgy ones.  Then basically gives away the secret that the producers set this up.  Then he scared the crap out of Lukas by saying with the two of them standing there, it looks like Brooke is performing a goth wedding.  Holy shit, married to that sea hag?  I’d rather be married to that fat guy from Family Fued who liekd young boys.

- Gilby says it’s a tough one, and his hair has held up all summer, but he feels like it might be wilting a bit, so can we take a commercial and get the girl in here to touch him up?  Then we break.  I’ve built a moat filled with burning oil around my house, so no fucking way is Honda, Verizon or any other Rock Star sponsor getting in here.

- We’re back, an Lukas licks his own nose in a close-up.  He’s so fucking rock.

- Tommy Lee says he’d like to sex Lukas up (or he might have said that his look and the way he moves is awesome).  He asked us all ‘Who doesn’t love Dilana?” Umm...me?

- Lukas is the winner.  If you slow down your TiVo, you can pinpoint the moment whern Dilana’s sanity snapped.

- Shit on me...Gilby said he’d offer his services to WRITE and produce a record with Dilana?  WRITE?  Gilby Clarke?  The man who wrote about tarantulas in bed or whatever the fuck that was?  And PRODUCE?  The guy with the tin frigging ear on this show?  Dilana...honey, we don’t get along anymore, but baby girl, take Radiohead’s advice and run, run, run, ruuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuhhh-uuhhh-un.  Gilby don’t belong here. Unless you need hair care tips.

- Navarro whores himself to another guest spot on someone’s album.  ;) I kid.  He’s the good kind of whore.

- So it’s the Rossi Possi for the win.  Great, now I can start ignoring Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama and wait for them to break up and for Lukas to do something great after.

You know, the worst part of Lukas winning?  That dumb cunt Janet Charlton will claim her “inside scoop” was legit and this is proof.  I kind of want her to die in a fire.

So Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama is gonna play.  And my balls itch.  Which do you think is more important to me rigt now?

Oh my FUCKING GOD this band can’t write for shit.  Be Yourself is asstastic.  If the song had an odor, it would be vomit.  I cannot wait to start ignoring the Tommy Lee Project.  Fuck this.

I could be listening to Storm Large right now.  And so could you.

They closed with Lukas singing Magni’s song?  Umm...OK.  EVS, baby...EVS.

So like, that’s that.  No more Rock Star until next summer.  I’ll miss you all!  If you’re interested in reading me rip into some other reality show, I’m planning on doing recaps of Survivor: Racist Island - - or whatever it’ll be called - here in my Survivor category, so bookmark it!  I can’t wait to see if the white tribe tries to sell the black tribe to the Hispanic tribe.  Seriously, is Burnett the best reality producer on earth or what? 

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- Brooke welcomes us to the show and forgets to lactate into the camera.  Stupid cow.  Hey, Dave Navarro is wearing a shirt?  What the hell?

- And the encore Rocker-who-returns-to-do-a-song-we’ve-probably-already-heard is:  Ryan Star.  The Dark Horse rides again.  He thanks us.  Donna said that Ryan was ballot-stuffing and campaigning like mad to be the call-back guy.  Looks like he won I guess...although I have a hard time believing that Zayra’s fans let this one go.

- He’s being “Mr. Crazy Look At Me I’m Like Trent Reznor I Might Break Shit You Never Know I’m Dangerous Ladies Who Wants To Blow Me?” man again.  It feels contrived.  However...he sings his balls off, so who can complain?

He gets a car for that.  At least it’s a CRV and not that horrible looking Element.  Good for him, although Verizon could have sprung for the VX9800 instead fo that gimp-tastic “Chocolate” phone.  Cheap bastards.

- Aaaaaaannnnnnnd here comes the 2452 hour recap of the whole season.  Yay!

- So they’ll eliminate someone tomorrow night based on our voting them into the bottom 2.  At this point I make no predictions, because voting blocs have formed alliances with other fan blocs and Magni, who needs to be the last elimination, will likely be protected.  It could be anyone in the bottom 2.  And...commercial.

- Toby is up first doing Radiohead’s Karma Police then his original Throw It Away again.  If I have to hear that song one more time I’m going to see the monsters in my head every day.  Oh, oh, oh oh oh oh.

His voice sounds good...like his own, but soulful like Thom’s.  It fits the song well.  I keep waiting for him to cakeface the guitar player though.

Ha!  I head the Aussie accent a bit there. :)

Ouch, he’s all over the road pitch-wise with that chorus/ending.  Very, very off-key.

Here comes the original, and Magni’s playing with him...Not surprisingly he’s nailing this.  He’s not going crowd crazy, but he is still leading them, just from the stage this time.

Nice...Magni’s head says “EVS.” Classic.

Now Magni’s being a guitar stand for Toby.  I did something that once, I was a human mic stand for a really freaky guy singing a kareoke cover of NIN’s The Becoming.  He was stripping off these drawn pieces of cardboard that were supposed to be machine parts...he’d duct-taped them to himself and they wouldn’t come off, so for most of it I was laughing and not doing a good job of being a mic stand.

Good stuff.  Toby always makes it fun to watch.  And the couch says:

Dave: He liked the set.  “Not a whole lot I can say.”

Tommy: “Nice job” 323 times.

Gilby: He thought Toby lost it in the beginning?  Seriously is this fucking guy even a musician?  The beginning was spot-on perfect, it was the ending that was a total mess!  I swear, Gilby’s hair products have clogged his fucking ears.

Jason: “My gloves give me my powerrrrrrr, I feel lost without them!” Actually he said that it was the most energy that has been generated in the room all summer.  Then he started growling about gloves and brraaaaainnnnsssss.

After the commercial break, Jason acts even more effeminate and informs us that the tour is doing something and going somewhere.  I couldn’t hear past the huge amount of dork that he was putting out.  WHAT HAPPENED TO METAL GOD JASON NEWKID NEWSTED?  WHY HAVE THEY REPLACED HIM WITH THIS FOPPISH DORK?  And Jason?  It’s pronounced ALL-bah-knee.  All, like “I lost all my cool when I agreed to do this stupid thing with Tommy Lee.”

- Lukas up next singing Coldplay’s Fix You and an acoustic version of Headspin.  Fix You could be awesome.

Nice...his voice is right, I was afraid he was going to do the growl in the open.  He’s singing beautifully.  And when the music kicked in, he did the one thing I will ALWAYS associate with him, that wierdly pronounced “Cawme awn!” I’ve started doing that as an impression.

Is he crying?

Wow, he’s singing the ever loving hell out of this.  Perfect.  And there’s the other thing he does..."Yea-yuh." I do that one too.  :)

Acoustic Headspin.  Quite soulful.

So Lukas is trying to make every girl in the room cry and then want to “take care of him,” which is code for “Your friend can do the reach-around while I plow you, sweety.  Now put your knee up there...that’s it.  Just lie back and let Daddy work.”

There’s that note that only Lukas can hit.  I think that’s the one that divides people.  You either love it or it sets your teeth on edge.  I love it.  Set was amazing.  I hope the couch see s it that way.

Dave: “It’s nice to see that when Paula Abdul wants to hear great singing, she comes to Rock Star Supernova.” He also championed the show for promoting unsigned rockers, and said he’d buy a ticket to see Lukas perform for two hours.  By the way, Paula’s drunk and will likely try to blow Toby after the show.

Tommy: “Cool as hell.” Tommy is clearly exhausted.  When was the last time you saw him speak so little except of course for last week, when he was keeping the same insane schedule.  I bet he’s living on crystal meth and powerbars.

Gilby: “Great” “Fearless” “Great job.”

It would have been nice if Jason said something nice about the vocal technique since Lukas did exactly what Jason asked him to do.  They apparently cut Jason saying that this acoustic Headspin is what got Lukas the tryout here...but I would REALLY have liked to see Jason congratulate Lukas for opening his throat since Newkid’s been bagging on him all season over it.  EVS.

- Commercial, and Dramilana is up next!  Will she plant her foot and crush it or will she make me want to kick her in her bad leg and hit the other one with a bat?  Let’s watch!

- Dilana is singing her re-arrangement of Roxanne then that terribly uninspired original Supersoul.  Roxanne is either going to be brilliant or bite it hard.

I say this: She looks great.

He voice sounds amazing here.  I see Paul talked her out of opening acapella and then bringing in just the cellos (cellos!) and we went with a nice acoustic guitar...so far this is great!

Really, really good.  I’m just gonna say it, this is frigging awesome.  Ah, there’s the cellos in the background.  That works.

Here come the boys to back her up.  This is really, really good.  My one nitpick is that the girl in the song is not named RoxannA.  It’s Roxanne.  Respect Sting’s lyric.

And now the original.  So Supersoul isn’t angry?  Then why is she yelling at me?  ‘So many times I wish you’d choke...” But it’s not angry.  “I could have killed you in your sleep.” But it’s not angry.  It’s about freedom, sure, freedom from you to not pay attention to the criticism people level against your crazy, neurotic ass. 

This song bores me as always.

Boy that leg sure is working great isn’t it?  She jumping, skipping, running...I’m just saying.

This song kind of blows.  She should have asked of she could flip the script and do this first, so that the last thing we heard from her was that amazing Police cover.  And the couch says:

Dave: “Really smart to get your competitors to sing backup for you.” What a fucking minute Mr. Pocket Prince: When Storm Large did it, it was stupid and distracting.  Now Dilana does it and it’s really smart?  Fucking EVS.

Tommy: “Loved it, you’re beautiful to watch, can I stick my huge cock up you now?” Maybe he didn’t say that last part out loud but he’s goddamned well thinking it.

Jason: “I’ve lost any semblance I ever had of the hard rocking metal god, so let me just come right out and do the Queer Eye thing.  I want to dress the boys up and watch Lukas dance.  Nude.  Feeding me grapes.  See what happens when I don’t have my gloves?  I get positively shameful!”

Wait, did he say all that or am I just reading his mind?  I think that without the gloves to control his powers, his telepathy rays are too powerful and have come through my television.  Now I’m thinking about being a nancyboy and wearing fingerless gloves indoors in California in the summer.

Gilby: “Great talent, great job, can’t wait for tomorrow, gee my hair smells terriffic.”

Close-up on Dilana licking glitter off her own face.  You know what?  She’s prettier without the crazy makeup and fake dreads and whatnot.  Girl’s got a road-worn but pretty face...let it be.  And we break for rabid American consumerism.

- Magni is singing Hush from Deep Purple and his original When the Time Comes to close the show.  Even if he absolutely knocks Hush out of the park, it will be blah.  There is nothing exciting or arresting about Deep Purple, especially this song.  He may as well have done Smoke On The Water.

At least they’re trying to add energy to it.  The House Band fucking rocks.  Magni’s really trying to rock this up, but you can’t polish a turd.  Well, you can, but it just messes up the cloth a lot.

This is, without a doubt, the best this song has ever sounded.  EVER.  You hear me Ritchie Blackmore?

Why couldn’t Magni and the House Band have brought this energy to something worth bringing it to?

And now the original.  I swear he was about to say the title of his original in Icelandic!  :)

Hey, this sounds different.  Harder.  Am I crazy?  Is the guitar deeper, maybe a different tuning than it was the first time?  I like it more this time.

The guys at Leper Pop say that Magni may as well be on a dolly.  He walks forward, then backward along the track.  Then side to side, then forward, then backward, always in a straight line!  Do they not have curves in Iceland? :)

His vocal is fired up.  This sounds a lot better than it did the first time.  Pretty rockin’ actually.  And the couch says:

Dave: Basically that Magni did a great job.  He used a lot of words to say it though.

Tommy: Regarding Magni’s original “I don’t remember anything about that.” I kind of agree. It’s nice but not really memorable.  Of course Tommy might not remember because he’s been drinking Red Bull and turpentine for three days to try and stay awake long enough to finish this taping and fly to East Bejesus, Bumfuck to play another nostalgia show with the Crue in front of a bunch of 45 year old ex-hair metal whores who got the neighbor to watch their eleven children while they shoved their drooping titties into a plus-sized bustier and dragged on some too-small spandex and paint themselves up like it was 1987 and crispy New Jersey bangs were still in style.  So much Aqua Net in the pink can will be used during the Crue tour a new hole will open in the ozone layer over North America.

Apparently when the crowd booed Tommy’s comments, he turned to them and demanded that right then, on the spot, the crowd sing the chorus.  No one could.  That means Tommy was 100% correct.  If he’d asked them to sing Toby’s song, without an instant of hesitation the entire room, to a voice, would have belted out “Oh, oh, oh oh oh oh.” Half the room would have sung the “monsters in my head every day” line.  If you asked after Lukas, the whole room would have sung “You make my head spiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn, You make my head spiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn, why, why do you....” No hesitation.  They *know* them.

Of course I think Tommy is wrong about Supersoul, but then I’m still convinced he wants to throw it in Dilana and keeps saying nice things to try to work that pussy angle.  Maybe I’m just being cynical, but for fuck’s sake it’s TLee!  The man would fuck Navarro if Dave shaved the goatee.  In fact, dave doesn’t even need to shave.  Tommy will just pretend it s an all-natural bush while he mouth-humps him.

You know what I haven’t mentioned much all season?  How unrealistically hot Brooke Burke is.  It doesn’t seem right.  If I were a woman I would want her dead.

I’m still not predicting a bottom two, because it has little to nothing to do with performances.  It’s all about who has the determination to text message or vote on the website for hours and hours, and what voting blocs struck deals with other voting blocs.  All I know is I predict Lukas for the win with Toby a possible, or at least “runner up” if there is such a thing.

The early bottom two is: Magni and Lukas.  TEAM ANYONE BUT DILANA, GET VOTING!  BURY THAT BITCH!

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(I updated this post to show off my new Livejournal icon.  I think Robin Zander would approve.)

We’ve avoided all spoilers, as hard as that is.  I love spoilers, but I hate knowing spoilers when the show is later that day.  Does that make any sense?

Predictions: I say Toby for the encore, Donna says Lukas, We both say Magni for playing with the band.  Bottom three: Dilana, Storm, Magni, I say Storm to get booted because she’s way, way too much for them and Donna says Magni because he won’t shine while playing with the band.  No way they boot the drama factory, she’s good TV.

Let’s watch!

- See Brooke?  You can hide the babybump without wearing a pirate blouse.  :)

- Jason...with the fingerless gloves already.  Do we need some kind of intervention?  Can’t we animate you and your hair with that glowy green stuff from the Re-Animator?  Do you really have to wear the homeless guy gloves?

- Hey, Dave mentioned the bun in the oven...finally.  With mom’s looks, that’s gonna be one smokin’ little girl.

- Hey, another recap.  This show does approximately 325 hours of recap each week for 2.5 hours of television.  It’s some kind of temporal displacement compression thing.  Seriously.  You have aged 5 days for every hour of Rock Star: Supernova you have watched.

Let’s chat with the Rockers.  Lukas is excited to play for actual humans instead of empty beer bottles and ashtrays.  To-oh-oh-oh-oh-by is about the EVS.  And some of the young hotties.  Now we talk to the Re-Animated...I mean Jason.

- The new Supernova song is It’s All Love and Magni is singing.  That seals it, Storm is going home.

OH THIS IS KILLING ME, I know that melody line.  It’s a total ripoff.  Oh, and yes, this song sucks the felch out of a gay gangbang porno actor’s dirty ass.

Nope.  The “rocking part” isn’t working either.  Wow.  I think the worst thing Supernova could possibly have done was to debut original music on this show.  I’m a goddamned Newsted/Lee fan, and I gave Gilby respect...I should want to see this and buy this music, but it’s just so insipid and stolen.  I can’t imagine ever paying a single red cent for anything Supernova

- Oh Jesus H. Christ, the other day I said that if they made the Rockers do a group commercial ala American Idol I was going to go apeshit.

Consider my shit only minorly aped.  At least they didn’t have to sing about the Honda Element, which by the way I think is the ugliest box since we had to see Paris Hilton’s.  See how I did that?  I called Paris’ vag ugly.  Paris Hilton jokes never get old to me.

Annnnnd...commercial.

- We’re back, and Gilbs has an announcement - The Pocket Prince of Darkness will be bringing The Panic Channel on tour.  Finally, a reason to go.

- And now, let’s give the Honda Element to the guy who will have to import it to frigging Australia if you don’t hire him for the band.  Hey, at least he earned it.  Nice shout out to Steve Erwin...crazy bastard.  :)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh.  It’s a pretty good song...much MUCH better than anything Supernova has done.  Do you think they have ears?  How can they listen to thier own shit and then hear this and think ‘Yeah, our music rocks”...I mean...seriously do they have ears?

Nicely done again.

- Moving on to the business of crushing someone’s soul...yay!  Of course all of them were bottom three at some point, there’s only frigging five left.  Commercial break, and do I love a TiVo for that.

- Welcome back to the show, I’m your host, Preggers McTitties.  Storm, get the hell over here, you know you’re getting kicked out because Tommy and Gilby and probably Jason can’t handle your big balls.

- Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here.  Please don’t kill this song Storm, I like you and I love this song.

No.  Look, I have stated a million times how much I love this chick, but for the love of Jesus’ mom, she commits murder on some of these classic rock covers.  She needs time and her band to work out how she’s going to do them...she doesn’t just *do* covers like this.

I appreciate the emotion, I feel bad for her, but no goddamned way can I honestly say I loved that performance.

- Oh look, Limpy McFakesalot is in the bottom three, and she’s gonna do...WHAT?  Cheap trick?  It better not be…

Mother fucker.  You fucking talentless little hack.  OK, lemme just lay this out.

1. Storm does an unbelievably soulful and beautiful cover of I Want You to Want Me.  Why in the name of sweet fuck would she not have demanded to do it instead of butchering Pink Floyd, I have no idea.  You simply have to hear Storm’s cover. 
Download it and listen to how that song can be changed dramatically and still retain it’s soul.
2. This hack couldn’t do justice to the Cheap Trick original much less a cover by anyone else.  She’s probably never even heard the original.  She’s doing a note for note cover of Propagandhi’s cover (which, by the way everyone thinks is NOFX).  She has no idea what the original song is.  YOU DIDN’T SING A PUNK SONG, DUMBASS, YOU COVERED A COVER.
3. Picking this song, from a lyrical standpoint, is CLASS A DESPERATION.  Fucking bloody hell, woman, do you EVER stop playing the victim?  Do you ever have a moment of clarity where you say “You know what?  I’m 34 fucking years old.  Maybe it’s high time I stopped all these games and acted my age.  If I’m not capable fo doing that, maybe I should seek professional help until I can.  Maybe then I wouldn’t act like everyone and everything is out to get me.”

Yeah...I’m not holding my breath waiting for that to happen either.

On to the actual performance.  It starts off *bad*.

What
the
FUCK
am
I
watching?

I will personally beat the ass of the first person to say this is anything less than the worst piece of shit ever performed.  I will fly to your town, track you like an escaped convict and beat your face in with a pipe

Sweet Narcissia that was fucking horrifying.  From the truly terrible opening to the ridiculous speed (I hate the cover she covered as well) to the fact that she missed, well, all the notes, was out of breath, sang faster than the ridiculously fast arrangement...about the only good thing involved there was that it ended quickly.

- The last bottom three-er is: Not Magni?????  WTF, Lukas is bottom three?  Wow, that Bon Jovi song hurt him badly.  Let’s see how he handles being bottom three.  You know, as opposed to how some others handle it.

Storm is so going home now.

Balls on that boy, jumping right back in with his original, Headspin.  I think he knew it was the Bon Jovi that hurt him and why risk it with another cover, right?  Not a lot to say that I didn’t say last night.  I love the song.  He seems a little less into it, but other than that...it’s Lukas doing Headspin.  If you like him (and have taste and ears) you like it.  ;) (I kid!  Don’t flip out!)

And the commercial break, where we can all prepare to say goodbye to Susan Storm Large, musical goddess and walking sex.

When we return, we get the couch talking garbage.  Gilby plays the numbers card on Storm.  And again with Dilana.  Listen to the crowd cheer for Lukas.  :) And he’s safe.  No way will they kick Dramilana off...let’s hear from the Tommyhawk.

Wow, he passed it off to Jason.  Apparently the gloves give him power to do difficult things as well as front a perfect hairdo.  And he sends Storm home.  No surprise. 

Rock Star StormNova!  You bet your ass it was.

I like that she went to the fans, the viewing audience and the Rockers and kind of glossed over the band.  :)

She’s FREEEEEEEEEEE!  She can get her Balls back and do what she was meant to do.

- I’m voting for Storm to come back.  And we’re out.

- Do I need to mention how sick and tired of Dilana I am?  Guess what?  We get another week with the freak.  JOY!  See you Sunday for the reality episode…

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- The show opens with Pirate Brooke telling us that Ryan has the number one spot on MSN Downloads or whatever.  Good for him...his solo stuff is leaps and bounds beyond Supernova.

- We move on to the recap of the reality episode, which i recapped in detail here.  They actually show Dilana saying that the song she wrote was a fuck you to the fans.  Good.  She deserves whatever she gets for that shit.  What she fails to realize is that every person who criticizes her is a FAN OF SOMEONE ELSE ON THE SHOW.  Ultimately, she will need those same people to support her if she gets into the final show or - and God forbid this bitch get rewarded like this - if she should win this thing.  Those same fans to whom she just said “fuck you” are now supposed to buy a ticket to see her?

No, Dilana, fuck you.

- I’m glad they showed her musical ignorance as well.  People should know who they are voting for.

- Oh dear.  She “tore a calf muscle.” Am I supposed to feel sorry for her now?  If she tore this muscle, I better see some reality footage of her at the goddamned hospital next week, I tell you that much.  I don’t put it past her to hurt herself a little to get sympathy, or even to fake it completely.

- Performance of Behind Blue Eyes starts.  Her voice sounds nice, but...umm...this arrangement is country.  In the reality episode, she SPECIFICALLY COMPLAINED that the part of the song she didn’t know (how the fuck do you not hear this song at her goddamned age?) sounded “country” to her, so she wanted to change it.  Well, now the whole fucking thing is a “new country” ballad!  Great job you musical moron.

Again, her voice sounds great.  Ahh...here we go, the House Band salvages the arrangement somewhat, but it’s still a country arrangement.

What a minute, she changed the voice.  No...that’s not right at all!  The sweeter, upper register was MUCH better!  Why?  Why does she do this?  It’s like she has a switch in her head that says “JimK is liking me, I better do something stupid right now.” That sweeter, upper register is actually the way Dilana has been singing for more than a decade now.  It’s her natural sound.  This deep, husky thing is an affectation, it’s NOT the way she sings.

She’s just a total fraud.  Everything, I mean everything about her, is a front. 

I wonder if she realizes that in achieving her “new sound” she lost the key to the song?  She’s off key.

OK, I predict, based on my wife’s reaction, that there are others who have a problem with her changing the lyric to “No one knows what it’s like to be the bad girl” instead of “bad man.” I believe that when a woman covers a song written from a male perspective that mentions gender, they should change it if the word fits in the meter.  If you can change a “he” to a “she” without screwing up the meter, then do it!  “man” can become “girl” because they are both one-syllable words.  I have always found it jarring to watch a woman covering a song about a personal experience and call herself a man...it reminds me that I am watching a cover, and that the original was something else.  When Storm didn’t change the gender in Changes it threw me out of the performance.

However…

Dilana didn’t change it both times she sang the line.  That was just dumb.  Now you’re mixing the perspective, and not in a good way, it’s just dumb.  Dilana didn’t change the gender at the end because it was more artistically honest and made for a better immersive performance...she changed it because she is a complete narcissist and wanted you to feel sorry for her.  She’s an eternal victim and at her age, that’s not something that elicits empathy or sympathy from me - it’s just pathetic.

Her original, called Supersoul, is up now. 

She intro’s the song by talking about how it’s about what she’s been going through.  For fuck’s sake!  Hey, here’s a great idea, Dilana!  Remind me how shitty a person you’ve been the last few weeks.

The lyric isn’t truly horrifying, it’s just kind of lame!  How the hell did that happen, did she steal from a mediocre song this time instead of one that is truly awful?

This performance is so not good.

So, who thinks she added the “Thank you” to try to counter her own words of “fuck you” to the fans?

Well...that was...slightly less than average.  That song is what, in this house, we call alt.chicks.  There’s an entire musical genre of women with guitars, pianos, full bands, all kinds of instrumentation.  They write these personal lyrics, in the singer-songwriter vein, and they rock them out but in a soft-rock way, sort of like that Jenny Galt chick from early in the show.  Women like Beth Orton, Chantal Kreviazuk, Charlotte Martin, Amanda Marshall and even Tori Amos.  My wife is a freak for this genre.  We have well over a thousand tracks in my iTunes folder that are categorized as alt.chick.  It’s not the same as alt.rock or pure alternative, they have a specific vibe unique to themselves, so we created a category for them.

My wife is literally the poster girl for that demo.  If she doesn’t love it, then it truly sucks, because she will forgive a multitude of sins if the song fits anywhere *near* that genre.

She was completely apathetic toward Dramilana’s Supersoul.  I have had actual arguments with my wife over the high ratings she gives some of the crap in the alt.chicks category.  She forgives bad musicians if the lyrics are soulful.  She forgive horrifying lyrics if the vocal is powerful.  She just said she’d rate this at two stars.  Two stars means it gets kicked off her iPod forever.

Blah...I’m looking forward to Dilana being in the bottom three again.  So what does the band have to say?

Dave commends her for performing hurt.  Gee, I wonder why I think this is a sympathy ploy.  Hoo boy Gilby, don’t ever lecture on lyrics.  Tommy so clearly is in love with her.  Jason could not see her kicked off fast enough.  And we fade to commercial.

- Brooke informs us that the House Band is opening for Suave Porn on tour with some of the Rockers coming back to sing thier “greatest hits.” Err?  If they were good, they’d still be here.  Way to keep be from wanting to see the show, sweety.  Also, the New Year’s Eve show is sold out so they added a New Year’s Day show.  Good for them.

- Up next, the Iceman, Magni.  He’s doing Back In The U.S.S.R. from the Beatles

Hmm.  What’s that voice he’s putting on?  It’s not bad, but it doesn’t sound like Magni.  Am I crazy?  It’s...off.  Also, the band seems like they are in a different key.  His performance is kind of lazy.  I’ve been seeing Magni as a solid, average performer, and this is less than that even.  Not bad, but not really even good.  I think Magni wants to go home.

Original time.  It’s called When the Time Comes.  Ahh...the voice makes sense now, he was in the key and tone for his original.  It matches here.  Wow, either the House Band is rocking this the hell out, or Magni wrote a musically awesome piece here.  It’s rocking quite hard.

Lyrically it’s a bit trite, predictable and full of cliches.  However, it’s better than any Supernova original, although that is kind of like saying that something is better than getting gang-raped in prison.

Musically that was great...great sound, nice aggression.  I hope that if he records it in English he works more on the lyrics.  WHat did the couch have to say?

Dave calls him molten hot. He picked up on the aggression as well.  Tommy picked up on the performance being identical between the two songs, which is a good point as they are so emotionally different, but...Magni wins this round for that awesome snarky reply… “Uhh, both of those songs were sung by me!” Magni for the win!  Gilby clears up what Tommy meant, that the original could have been more energetic.

And we go to commercial.

- Storm up next with Suffragette City.  Dave’s gonna play guitar for the song...and like a pro, Storm intro’s him!  Nice.

Uh oh.  While her attitude and stagecraft is great, she sounds terrible.  I KNOW SHE CAN SING.  Why doesn’t she do it?

Great interaction with the PPoD on stage.

Dave, she wanted you to sing the “wham-bam-thank you ma’am” line WITH her, dummy!  ;)

Well, I loved watching it, but the vocal was not good.  You may disagree.  I’m a Bowie purist.  If you can’t do it at least as good as him, stay the fuck away from it.  Not that it matters at all, because I know she’s doing my second-favorite Storm large original next…

Her original is Ladylike.  There is an explicit version that originally was called What the Fuck is Ladylike? that rocks so hard I can’t even describe it in actual words.  All I have that’s worth listening to is a two-minute sample, but it’s worth downloading if only to hear the song in it’s original, swearing-filled glory.

See!  She can fucking sing.  She’s a *little* fast...she’s ahead of the song for the first measure, but she slowed it down by the chorus.  She’s doing the explicit version, just replacing the word “fuck” with “what.”

Now that’s the rocking goddamned warrior woman we were looking for.  I do wish she did two verses though, the song is really good and the second verse is lyrically interesting.  I would have chopped time off the Bowie song to get more time for Ladylike if I were her.

I can’t wait for her to be free of the shackles of this show.  Let’s see what the panel thinks.  I bet Dave loved himself on the Bowie song.  I kid, I kid, I’m starting to like Navarro as an artist and a human being.  I tease. :) Wow, Navarro put her in the same category with some of the best front people he’s played with.  Well said, sir.  Tommy loved the original, as did Gilby.  Is Jason dead or something?  Have they forgotten to animate his corpse for the evening?  Why is he not speaking?  Maybe he ran out for new fingerless gloves.

(Yes, I know he was there and they edited him out...I’m just being wry and amusing.  OK, at least I’m amusing myself, dammit.)

Annnnnd - commercial.

- Lukas is up, doing Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer.  This is either going to be great or suck so hard it’ll be worse than a blowjob from Paris Hilton.

WTF is it with these goddamned sound engineers?  I can’t hear him at all.  The only reason I know what he’s singing is that I know the words to this song like I know my own name.  Every time this has happened, people who were there live said the room sounded far different than TV.  They’ve killed his mix like four or five times.

I’m not a huge fan of this arrangement.  However, he’s singing the shit out of it.  Wait, let me correct that.  I actually hate this arrangement with the fire of a thousand suns.  If this arrangement were a cute infant child, I would put on golf shoes and still stomp it in the face until it died.

Am I being clear?  I fucking hated the arrangement.  However.  But.  Allow me to say this:

He sang the shit out of it.  He did every vocal thing he’s known for in one song, including opening up to hit that note that only he seems to be able to hit.  He was all alone on stage and drew my attention.  I wanted to know where he was going with the song, and I didn’t even like the song that much.  Kid’s a rock star.  As Tommy said and Storm imitated..."One word: Rockstar” *throws mic down*.

Let me explain further about my feelings for the arrangement.  I don’t mind when someone changes a song.  Example; I expected to hate Zayra’s punk 867-5309, but the arrangement turned out to be genius.  The thing about cover songs is, you have to keep something of the original.  It’s possible to radically change the musical arrangement of a song as long as you keep some element of the core of the song, and in Livin’ on a Prayer - as with so many Bon Jovi songs - the soul of the piece is the vocal melody.  Lukas basically ignored it.  He could have slowed down the original vocal melody, added his own guitar and had himself a piece of magic.  This song is actually poignant and depressing as far as the actual words go...it’s only in the chorus where any hope at all comes into play.  Instead of truly feeling the down aspect of the song, I was a little pre-occupied with 1. hating the arrangement and 2. wondering where it was going.

I did not hate the performance, and I give him the huge brass balls award for taking such a risk.  Maybe with more work, this would be a magical cover...however, I think Lukas will probably want to go his whole life without ever singing a Bon Jovi sing again!  :)

His original is Headspin.  I’ve been impressed with this track for a long time.  I’m looking forward to this, I think the House band will really rock this track out.

OK, now at the beginning the mix is ass-backward.  I can’t hear the band.  He’s rocking it out though.  This is going to totally polarize the fanbase.  You either like the Lukas way of singing or you hate it.  I happen to like it.

Jesus he’s out of his mind onstage.  :)

Jason was singing along!  It’s a catchy hook, that chorus.  It gets in your head.  I can only hope that the band saw what I saw...kid’s a rockstar.  The television audio mix was absolutely unprofessional and dreadful all the way through the song, by the way.  I swear to God I think someone in the control room hates this kid.

The couch speaks.  Dave says it’s powerful and emotional.  He’s right.  Ha!  The lighter/cellphone thing...so true.  We’re getting old, man!  :)

They cut Tommy’s full comments. According to someone who was at the taping, he was speechless.  It seemed that he was crying he was so affected.  He put the mic down and couldn’t talk...then he said something about the fact that he’s been a huge fan of Kiss and other bands.  Ever since then, he’s “always had dreams of having a lead singer that looked and sounded just like you.”

I suspect that while Tommy wants to fuck Dilana bent over a bass drum, he wants Lukas as the lead singer of this band.

As a fan of Lukas as an artist, I hope that he does not get chained to this train wreck.  As a fan of him personally, I hope he does whatever he truly wants and makes a boatload of cash doing it.

By the way, Gilby tried to mitigate the Tommy comments by saying that the competition wasn’t over, and Tommy jumped to agree.  That’s why those comments were cut from the broadcast...they showed way too much bias.  I think they would make the Lukas faithful an insanely rabid voting bloc (moreso that they already are!) and the Lukas haters would be so angry it would become a problem.  So cutting the comments was probably smart.  They left in the part where Gilby said he gets inspired when he seen Lukas perform.

If they truly want this guy in the band, they will have to let him re-arrange the band’s music.  Since so much of it is already recorded, that would mean scrapping months of studio work.  They have no choice.  It will mean months of rehearsal time for the band to learn new arrangements.  They have no choice.  If they really want to be relevant and successful, they need to let Lukas fuck up all their tracks.  He can do things to music that they haven’t even thought of.  It’s not always perfect.  But it’s always interesting.  Supernova needs someone to make them interesting.  They need him to inspire them to break out of this ripoff/retro old fart rocker thing they have going on.

We just rewound the song and we’re watching it again.  It’s better the second time.  I will pay money for this song and be glad to do it.  I want to see more.  I want to hear more.  Lukas has engaged me as an artist.  Check out Headspin for yourself and if you like it, buy it when it’s released for sale.

And we go to commercial.

- Toby is up next, and I think Toby is really Lukas’ only competition now.  Toby fits the vibe Supernova has right now.  Again...I know I insult Supernova’s music, so I want to be clear - I am not insulting Toby when i say he fits.  I think Toby’s a great frontman with a good sound.  What I mean is that he’s a laid-back kind of “go with the flow” guy, and he can make this work with that sort of “frat-boy” party vibe Supernova seems to be after.  With his stage presence, he can force the crowd to love whatever he’s doing.  He’s a stadium rocker, someone who can lead a crowd wherever he wants them to go.

When I read that last sentence back to my wife she said “So can Lukas but with a totally different vibe.” Yes.  Very true.  The difference is that Toby leads you to some kick-ass party where everyone is having a great time and doing body shots off a stripper’s ass, and Lukas wrings emotion out of you until you’re drained and feel like you just went ten rounds with your own angst...and you won.

The way Donna put it was more about stagecraft...she likened Toby to David Coverdale or Vince Neil, they make you watch them because they’re having a great time and encouraging you to join them.  Lukas is like his obvious idol, Marilyn Manson.  He makes you watch him by sheer force of will, by being oddly engaging and tapping into that darker, angst-riddled side that we all have (even if someo us don’t admit it).

Having had a personal history with MM as a private individual, not a rock star...I think I can safely say he’d like Lukas.  I think he’d see exactly what Lukas was doing and appreciate the theatrics and the emotion of it.

OK, performance time!  Jesus, all of that was before I even say Toby play.  :)

His cover is The Killers Mr. Brightside.  It’s right up his modern alt.rock vibe.

While I like his performance, can I complain about The Killers ripping off The Sex Pistols?  Thanks.  Just had to get that out there.  I don’t mean inspired by...I mean The Killers fucking ripped them off.  OK, back to Toby!

He’s doing it right...he built to the fan interaction...he’s really a great frontman.  He’s all about the audience.  And once again, the ladies frickin’ LOVE him.  Never, ever, EVER discount how important that is in rock & roll.

WOW!  Nice ending!  Way to kick it up there Toby!  Nicely performed.

Toby’s original is up next.  It’s called Throw It Away.  HA!  Check out all the fans with “EVS” written on their hands!

This is the kind of Britpop vibe Supernova could use.  It’s similar without being a ripoff.  Agressive but fun, light and heavy at the same time.  Great song and the House band is killing as usual.

He’s owning the room again.

It looked like he wanted Tommy to sing with him and Tommy bailed… :) Dave Navarro had the song figured out by that point, he should have gone to him.  :)

Nice...it was a great song, I would pay money for that as well.  Toby is already a Rock Star.  So here’s the big dilemma: Does Supernova want to work their ass off creatively with Lukas, or do they just want to plug Toby in and go with what they have?

Now the couch reacts.  Navarro points out how “EVS” has caught on, and he pointed out how the room picked up on the song because it’s so memorable.  I agree.  Tommy said it was bad *bleep*in ass.  Gilby talked about how Toby is a fun performer...true as hell.  He seems on the Toby train.  Oh my God Jason Newsted is still alive!  Maybe his power comes from the gloves.  He requires fresh fingerless gloves in order to be animated, otherwise his lifeless body will just sit there motionless.  Like his hair.  :) Jason’s comments seemed like those of someone who was impressed but not a fan.  It was like a polite thing you say to someone when you don’t want to tell them that you just don’t like them.  That’s what I got from it anyway.

I love that Toby worked the room one last time before he left the stage.

So I’m voting for Toby and Lukas this week.  Lukas because I think he deserves it for a good performance and Toby because I think he’s the right guy for this band.

Bottom three: the early results are useless I don’t care.  Bottom three tomorrow will be Storm, Magni and Dilana.  See you then!

OK, maybe the early results aren’t useless!  They ranked them in order this time and Dilana is at the bottom.  I don’t think they’ll kick her off though, you need her to implode for one more week, she’s good for ratings.  I predict Magni being let go.

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The episode starts with the Rockers celebrating their experience and saluting Ryan. It's obvious that Dilana can't handle having been bottom three from the get go, but Toby and Magni start a food fight and the House devolves into a gigglefest. When everyone is good and disgusting, they jump in the pool and like the sexy tease that she is, Storm jumps in topless.

Love that girl.

So then we get to songwriting. Everyone splits up and starts working, and they make a big deal, both in the filming and in separately-shot confessional video, that Dilana has zero in the way of ideas.

We move on to the "You're a whore, so say the name of the car we drove you in you silly little bitches before we lay the pimp hand on you" part of the show where the Rockers are forced to shill for Honda Ridgelines this week. I swear if they do a group singing commercial for Honda I will hunt Mark Burnett down myself and rape his asshole with a chunk of the 405 freeway.

I'd like to make a point here to anyone who is complaining about any rocker who came in with less than a complete melody/lyrics package.

Here were Gilby's EXACT WORDS. and I will emphasize where he emphasized on the show:

Tomorrow, I'm gonna take the remaining five and we're gonna do a songwriting clinic, and I'm gonna help each one of you individually write a new Supernova track.

Those were his exact words. He did not say "Come in here tomorrow with a complete song so I don't have to do anything." He SPECIFICALLY told them they were going to write TOGETHER. So piss off if you think Dilana or Lukas should have written more. That's not what Gilby asked for and he's an asshole for making it sound like either of them were slacking.

As for the bits and pieces we heard of each original...the track itself is FAR, far superior to the last two Supernova songs. Oh, sure, it's an exact ripoff of every Stone Temple Pilots song ever written, but at least this time it's a good ripoff. I thought everyone had a decent grasp on melody, but most were entirely too predictable. Storms was halfway OK and Lukas' seemed pretty good and a departure from everyone else's take. Dilana, of course, wrote the most stupid lyrics on fucking Earth since "grab your Bud and your Becks," and something about lotion and things.

And that's where Dramilana couldn't fucking let it go. She had to try to extend the drama. You can't blame this on editing, she wrote these lyrics and then confirmed what they meant in a confessional-style video.

She wrote a song that she said was a fuck you to the fans of the show who are on the Internet and talk about them and "sit in judgment." Remember, those were "from the heart" as she said.

Bitch, please. That's what we're here for, you ignorant cow. That's why they tell us to vote, moron. You're going to attack the people who kept your crazy, selfish, psychotic ass on the show this long because *gasp* they had the gall to put you in the bottom three one fucking time?

Fuck you, Dilana. You show your true colors week after week. No amount of editing can create the nasty, selfish little persona you have. You are weak of spirit, weak of soul, weak in skills and weak in character. You don't deserve even to be saddled with a shit retro ripoff like Supernova. You don't even deserve a nice, quite career playing bars and small clubs. You barely deserve to be serving fucking drinks at the bar where Patrice is playing.

I may not have liked Patrice as a performer, but she showed a hell of a lot more skill and class than Dilana can even imagine.

Here's a question - They've specifically mentioned that the Rockers can't read magazines, newspapers, watch TV, or use the Internet. So how does Queen Bitch know what we're saying about her online? Either she's cheating, or someone is feeding her information.

As I was watching her be a royal bitch once again, something flashed through my mind: she gets a ton of support from very young girls who think they should support a woman, but they're either afraid of Storm or she's too pretty and we all know how that works...the pretty one has to pay. So they've fallen to supporting Dilana.

Let me tell you something; misogynists are not born, they are made. Some of them are made because they're not able to handle the strong women they encounter early in their lives. Some are made because they are wired wrong and need psychiatric help. Some are made because they were married to a selfish, arrogant, obnoxious basket case like Dilana Robobitch. Supporting her because you think she's the best frontperson on the show is one thing: supporting her because she has a vagina is stupid. On it's face it's always a bad idea to support someone *just* based on gender, but in this case, Dilana is the living embodiment of every stereotype that misogynist men have about women. She's manipulative, she uses tears to get her way, she's a liar, she's violent, crazy, selfish...think of everything any man has ever said about his ex-wife. She's all those things.

About the only thing she hasn't done is try to suck a dick to get the job. So far, no mattressback activity. Gee, I'm kind of surprised. She's filled every other role in the misogynist fantasy of what women are. May as well go whole hog and literally prostitute yourself for the gig.

Up next - Song selection. Lukas played like he wanted "Behind Blue Eyes" but I will bet you a thousand bucks he never wanted the song he just wanted to see her get crazy when she couldn't have it. As I have said a million times, I avoid spoilers, but I don't think knowing who will be performing what is a spoiler, so...here's the rundown (links to originals when possible):

Dilana: The Who, Behind Blue Eyes. Original - Supersoul (I can't find a single word about this song anywhere. It may be very new, in which case I expect it to suck heartily!)
Magni: The Beatles, Back in the U.S.S.R. Original - When the Time Comes (Can't find anything for this, Magni's band site is in Icelandic, sorry)
Storm: David Bowie (again?) Suffragette City. Original - Ladylike (actually called What the Fuck is Ladylike) (video)
Lukas: Cover - Bon Jovi, Livin' on a Prayer. Original - Headspin
Toby: Cover - The Killers, Mr. Brightside. Original - Throw It Away (video, the last minute has a clip of the song, more here)

Do they not have anyone but Nirvana, David Bowie and The Killers in the goddamned catalog? Hey producers, spend five fucking dollars and expand the library next year, whattya say?

Once again, because I love you, here's the full spisode in all it's glory. Requires Flash.




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Bonus: Storm & The Balls - “I Want You To Die.”

The girl just rocks out with her cocks out.

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- Another show where they line ‘em up.  Storm does a little stripper move just for me.

IT WAS JUST FOR ME AND DON’T YOU CONTRADICT ME!

- More false apology manipulation by Dramalana without mentioning her dangerous behavior.  Yay!

- Performance recap.  Dammit, I’m not just saying this because she’s hot.  Storm legitimately killed on that song last night.

- Back to the mansion.  Storm is convinced she’s going home.  Ryan seems like he thinks he is as well.  I *know* Magni is ready.

- Storm has the best attitude about potentially being bottom three, and she gave props to the House band...deservedly so, those guys are insanely talented.  If I wrote a thousand words a week on how much they carry this show it wouldn’t be enough.

- Dilana on saying goodbye to someone: “It’s extremely hard, it’s like losing a limb” Two weeks ago when truth serum (i.e. alcohol) was coursing through her blackened heart: “Send the rest of these fuckers home.” EVS.

- Magni verbally slapping down the Pocket Prince of Darkness, but Dave gives it right back to Magni...good stuff.  I like Magni.  I like everything we’ve learned about Magni.  See how it’s not hard to be a human being on a reality show?  She what a great guy Magni comes off as?  If you don’t give them material where you act like a raging fucking freak of nature, they won’t edit you as though you were a raging fucking freak of nature.

- Jesus Everloving Behayzeus, even Jason doesn’t seem excited about another Supernova track, so why should I be excited?  Lukas gets to front it.  In a weird way I hope he blows it and forgets lyrics and acts like a dick.  Let’s watch!

O.K. this is doing so absolutely NOTHING for me.  Lukas pulled out the Creep note for the chorus, that is nice.  He’s mushmouthing everything so much though, it’s not working.  The melody line is all over the place.  His stagecraft is basically just wandering around.

Lukas is not a fit for Supernova.  This song is shit, he’s doing what he can with it, but the song is just not good, it’s poorly written corporate ballad nonsense.  Dawson’s Creek wouldn’t even take that song for the soundtrack because it’s too banal.

I reiterate - I do not think Lukas Rossi wants to actually front this band.  Last night he killed it on a song he stated he did not like.  But he was motivated by pleasing the fans (and slapping Dilana a little IMHO).  Tonight?  He reverted back to mumblemouth stumbleboy.  I’m saying it’s intentional and I’m also saying I do not blame him a bit.  I wouldn’t want to win this thing either at this point.  He hits just enough of the right notes to prove he can do it if he wanted to, but he’s not pouring his heart into it, and I think that’s intentional.

- Hey, I just spotted Brooke’s babybump!  That kid is going to be genetically gifted in the looks department.

- And we’re back from commercial.  Supernova picks a winner of the MSN Spaces design contest.  Congrats Rob Carlos.  At least they picked a fan that did some original art.

- Gilby is talking about writing songs?  HA!  Dilana will bomb.

- Toby gets the encore.  Good choice, he ramped up the room and I think he’s the only one at this point that can work in Supernova.

Look at that...The thunda from Down Unda has total ownership of the crowd again.  He’s got that arena rocker vibe, and Supernova will die without a charsmatic arena-rocker leading the crowd.  His personality alone can make up for the shit music.  Girls will come to the show just to swoon and guys will come to the show for the girls.  Guys will go anywhere where there are women getting wet over a boy that can’t fuck.  It’s called subsitute fucking.  :)

I honestly believe, and Donna said it too, that Toby just won this competition.

- Bottom three time.  Who the hell knows.

- YES!  THERE IS A GOD!  Magni is the only one safe!  Looks like his nationalistic campaign worked!  I’m crossing my fingers that Dilana makes the actual bottom three.

- After commercial, The first Rocker in the actual bottom three is - Ryan.  I suppose the math worked out badly for him, and a lot of people didn’t like the crawling.  It was a mix of Army training and gay stripper.  Plus he did an original...that’s the fucking kiss of death.  He’s doing Baba O’Reilly to save himself.  One has to wonder why, exactly.

OK, he’s going home.  He’s gimmicking it up and not singing well.

OK, climbing shit is not working.  Slapping the guitar player with the mic cord isn’t working.  This entire performance is not working.  It’s like he’s having a psychotic break.  I’ve come around on Ryan’s talent but this is simply awful.

Unless someone else does significantly worse, or the band is determined to dump Storm, he’s gone.

- And the next bottom three-er is my girl, Storm Large.  Hey, she said she wanted it.  She’s going to do Helter Skelter.  Bring it, baby.  I know she can do this as a lunatic.  And hey look, she’s going crazy.  :)

OK, her vocal may not be phenomenal, but she’s working that room like a goddamn champ.

Yes, I saw Tommy paw her ass.  It’s possible to innocently flirt and be physical with someone without being a cheap, sleazy prick.  Unless of course you’re Tommy Lee.

Bring it Storm.  Show ‘em that warrior woman.  This is raw rock, and it’s a goddamned Beatles song!

O.K., Storm is awesome.  I don’t care.  I want to have her babies.  :) Fuck Jason Newsted and his golf clap.  Good thing we’re going to commercial...some of us have to clean up after that.  :)

- And we’re back.  God bless baby wipes, right?  I’m hoping since the Magni fans obviously went crazy and he must have pulled support from other fanbases, maybe the math worked out.  Maybe Dilana will be the last bottom three-er?  Maybe Jesus will come back and take me to heaven in a flaming chariot?  We all have dreams.

- So the next Rocker in the bottom three is (pleasebedilanapleasebedilanapleasebedilana)...oh boy, here comed the drama...it’s Lukas vs. Dilana for the bottom three.  And the loser is…

YES.  It’s Dramalana.  Finally, someone in the voting public noticed she’s fucking crazy, and not in a good, cool way, but in a breakdown, “kill your family pet and boil it on the stove” way..  Tommy asked “What happened?” Hey, asshole, didn’t you see the show?  Magni was put in danger by this psychotic bitch, and the fans responded by protecting him and voting her down.  The fans don’t want a psychotic, neurotic mess, they want a balls-out good-time rock star.  Ding-dong, the bitch is dead.  I plan to vote hard for anyone BUT her from now on, even if she does well.  I don’t like to reward selfish, neurotic assholes who lie and pretend to be humble.

But that’s just me.

So what will she be singing?  Psycho Killer?  Dedicated to herself?  Oh fuck you.  See?  Selfish.  Her feelings, not those of the people she hurt.  Passive-aggressive manipulation is what that is.  She’s such a poseur.

Wow, I didn’t like that acapella opening.  And I’m shocked she didn’t say her own name in the chorus.  She’s also lost on stage again.  At least she’s into it, and her vocal isn’t bad.  It’s not magical, and that yodel-screech is grating and annoying.  The band looks like they are smelling bad cheese.

The song choice was maybe the worst one she could have made, especially after coming off last night when she did so well.

Donna pointed out that for almost half the song her back was to the audience.  Will they call her out like they do with Lukas?  I doubt it.  And commercial.

Since we know they’re protecting Dilana, and I truly believe Ryan screwed himself and showed he can’t work with a band on a stage, I think Ryan, as wrong as it seems on the surface, will go home tonight.  He was never right for these guys, and he’s got a niche that with the right marketing will make him a very wealthy, very respected musician with a lifetime career.  Supernova will be a footnote in rock history, an asterisk after the entry about the rock show that “replaced the dead guy from INXS.”

And we’re back from commercial.  Gilby tells Ryan he’s grown, but is he right for them?  No. 

He tells Storm she hasn’t grown...that’s because she’s already way past you, asshole.  She takes risks.  She experiments with her music, her sound, her clothes, her attitude.  She’s an artist, with her own ideas about how things should be and you know damn well she’s never going to sit back and be your hired gun.  You can’t see the growth because she’s too far ahead of you.

He tells Dilana that Psycho Killer came out of left field and that she seemed lost, but she has so much credit with them.  Yeah no shit, Gilbs.  Not a word about her back being turned.  Asshole.  Hypocrite.  Inconsistent dickweed. 

Dilana looks like she’s crying.  Here comes the Tommyhawk.

It’s Ryan.  He’s not right for the band, and it was the right decision without playing in to the drama.  He left by saying that he was going back to be a solo artist...as he should.  He’s the male Tori Amos, and he can have a very successful and artistically satisfying career doing his thing, his way.

So, they’re going to bring back an eliminated rocker.  Luckily I’m a Verizon Wireless subscriber.  I voted to bring back Dana.  I want to see if she’s all tatted up and slutty yet.  :)

If you enjoyed my ranting and nitpicking, don’t forget to bookmark the Rock Star: Supernova category.

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