Rock Star: Supernova - Week 11 Performance

Final performances of Rock Star: Supernova.  For some reason I’m not excited, I just want it to be over already.  Let the liveblogging commence!

- Brooke welcomes us to the show and forgets to lactate into the camera.  Stupid cow.  Hey, Dave Navarro is wearing a shirt?  What the hell?

- And the encore Rocker-who-returns-to-do-a-song-we’ve-probably-already-heard is:  Ryan Star.  The Dark Horse rides again.  He thanks us.  Donna said that Ryan was ballot-stuffing and campaigning like mad to be the call-back guy.  Looks like he won I guess...although I have a hard time believing that Zayra’s fans let this one go.

- He’s being “Mr. Crazy Look At Me I’m Like Trent Reznor I Might Break Shit You Never Know I’m Dangerous Ladies Who Wants To Blow Me?” man again.  It feels contrived.  However...he sings his balls off, so who can complain?

He gets a car for that.  At least it’s a CRV and not that horrible looking Element.  Good for him, although Verizon could have sprung for the VX9800 instead fo that gimp-tastic “Chocolate” phone.  Cheap bastards.

- Aaaaaaannnnnnnd here comes the 2452 hour recap of the whole season.  Yay!

- So they’ll eliminate someone tomorrow night based on our voting them into the bottom 2.  At this point I make no predictions, because voting blocs have formed alliances with other fan blocs and Magni, who needs to be the last elimination, will likely be protected.  It could be anyone in the bottom 2.  And...commercial.

- Toby is up first doing Radiohead’s Karma Police then his original Throw It Away again.  If I have to hear that song one more time I’m going to see the monsters in my head every day.  Oh, oh, oh oh oh oh.

His voice sounds good...like his own, but soulful like Thom’s.  It fits the song well.  I keep waiting for him to cakeface the guitar player though.

Ha!  I head the Aussie accent a bit there. :)

Ouch, he’s all over the road pitch-wise with that chorus/ending.  Very, very off-key.

Here comes the original, and Magni’s playing with him...Not surprisingly he’s nailing this.  He’s not going crowd crazy, but he is still leading them, just from the stage this time.

Nice...Magni’s head says “EVS.” Classic.

Now Magni’s being a guitar stand for Toby.  I did something that once, I was a human mic stand for a really freaky guy singing a kareoke cover of NIN’s The Becoming.  He was stripping off these drawn pieces of cardboard that were supposed to be machine parts...he’d duct-taped them to himself and they wouldn’t come off, so for most of it I was laughing and not doing a good job of being a mic stand.

Good stuff.  Toby always makes it fun to watch.  And the couch says:

Dave: He liked the set.  “Not a whole lot I can say.”

Tommy: “Nice job” 323 times.

Gilby: He thought Toby lost it in the beginning?  Seriously is this fucking guy even a musician?  The beginning was spot-on perfect, it was the ending that was a total mess!  I swear, Gilby’s hair products have clogged his fucking ears.

Jason: “My gloves give me my powerrrrrrr, I feel lost without them!” Actually he said that it was the most energy that has been generated in the room all summer.  Then he started growling about gloves and brraaaaainnnnsssss.

After the commercial break, Jason acts even more effeminate and informs us that the tour is doing something and going somewhere.  I couldn’t hear past the huge amount of dork that he was putting out.  WHAT HAPPENED TO METAL GOD JASON NEWKID NEWSTED?  WHY HAVE THEY REPLACED HIM WITH THIS FOPPISH DORK?  And Jason?  It’s pronounced ALL-bah-knee.  All, like “I lost all my cool when I agreed to do this stupid thing with Tommy Lee.”

- Lukas up next singing Coldplay’s Fix You and an acoustic version of Headspin.  Fix You could be awesome.

Nice...his voice is right, I was afraid he was going to do the growl in the open.  He’s singing beautifully.  And when the music kicked in, he did the one thing I will ALWAYS associate with him, that wierdly pronounced “Cawme awn!” I’ve started doing that as an impression.

Is he crying?

Wow, he’s singing the ever loving hell out of this.  Perfect.  And there’s the other thing he does..."Yea-yuh." I do that one too.  :)

Acoustic Headspin.  Quite soulful.

So Lukas is trying to make every girl in the room cry and then want to “take care of him,” which is code for “Your friend can do the reach-around while I plow you, sweety.  Now put your knee up there...that’s it.  Just lie back and let Daddy work.”

There’s that note that only Lukas can hit.  I think that’s the one that divides people.  You either love it or it sets your teeth on edge.  I love it.  Set was amazing.  I hope the couch see s it that way.

Dave: “It’s nice to see that when Paula Abdul wants to hear great singing, she comes to Rock Star Supernova.” He also championed the show for promoting unsigned rockers, and said he’d buy a ticket to see Lukas perform for two hours.  By the way, Paula’s drunk and will likely try to blow Toby after the show.

Tommy: “Cool as hell.” Tommy is clearly exhausted.  When was the last time you saw him speak so little except of course for last week, when he was keeping the same insane schedule.  I bet he’s living on crystal meth and powerbars.

Gilby: “Great” “Fearless” “Great job.”

It would have been nice if Jason said something nice about the vocal technique since Lukas did exactly what Jason asked him to do.  They apparently cut Jason saying that this acoustic Headspin is what got Lukas the tryout here...but I would REALLY have liked to see Jason congratulate Lukas for opening his throat since Newkid’s been bagging on him all season over it.  EVS.

- Commercial, and Dramilana is up next!  Will she plant her foot and crush it or will she make me want to kick her in her bad leg and hit the other one with a bat?  Let’s watch!

- Dilana is singing her re-arrangement of Roxanne then that terribly uninspired original Supersoul.  Roxanne is either going to be brilliant or bite it hard.

I say this: She looks great.

He voice sounds amazing here.  I see Paul talked her out of opening acapella and then bringing in just the cellos (cellos!) and we went with a nice acoustic guitar...so far this is great!

Really, really good.  I’m just gonna say it, this is frigging awesome.  Ah, there’s the cellos in the background.  That works.

Here come the boys to back her up.  This is really, really good.  My one nitpick is that the girl in the song is not named RoxannA.  It’s Roxanne.  Respect Sting’s lyric.

And now the original.  So Supersoul isn’t angry?  Then why is she yelling at me?  ‘So many times I wish you’d choke...” But it’s not angry.  “I could have killed you in your sleep.” But it’s not angry.  It’s about freedom, sure, freedom from you to not pay attention to the criticism people level against your crazy, neurotic ass. 

This song bores me as always.

Boy that leg sure is working great isn’t it?  She jumping, skipping, running...I’m just saying.

This song kind of blows.  She should have asked of she could flip the script and do this first, so that the last thing we heard from her was that amazing Police cover.  And the couch says:

Dave: “Really smart to get your competitors to sing backup for you.” What a fucking minute Mr. Pocket Prince: When Storm Large did it, it was stupid and distracting.  Now Dilana does it and it’s really smart?  Fucking EVS.

Tommy: “Loved it, you’re beautiful to watch, can I stick my huge cock up you now?” Maybe he didn’t say that last part out loud but he’s goddamned well thinking it.

Jason: “I’ve lost any semblance I ever had of the hard rocking metal god, so let me just come right out and do the Queer Eye thing.  I want to dress the boys up and watch Lukas dance.  Nude.  Feeding me grapes.  See what happens when I don’t have my gloves?  I get positively shameful!”

Wait, did he say all that or am I just reading his mind?  I think that without the gloves to control his powers, his telepathy rays are too powerful and have come through my television.  Now I’m thinking about being a nancyboy and wearing fingerless gloves indoors in California in the summer.

Gilby: “Great talent, great job, can’t wait for tomorrow, gee my hair smells terriffic.”

Close-up on Dilana licking glitter off her own face.  You know what?  She’s prettier without the crazy makeup and fake dreads and whatnot.  Girl’s got a road-worn but pretty face...let it be.  And we break for rabid American consumerism.

- Magni is singing Hush from Deep Purple and his original When the Time Comes to close the show.  Even if he absolutely knocks Hush out of the park, it will be blah.  There is nothing exciting or arresting about Deep Purple, especially this song.  He may as well have done Smoke On The Water.

At least they’re trying to add energy to it.  The House Band fucking rocks.  Magni’s really trying to rock this up, but you can’t polish a turd.  Well, you can, but it just messes up the cloth a lot.

This is, without a doubt, the best this song has ever sounded.  EVER.  You hear me Ritchie Blackmore?

Why couldn’t Magni and the House Band have brought this energy to something worth bringing it to?

And now the original.  I swear he was about to say the title of his original in Icelandic!  :)

Hey, this sounds different.  Harder.  Am I crazy?  Is the guitar deeper, maybe a different tuning than it was the first time?  I like it more this time.

The guys at Leper Pop say that Magni may as well be on a dolly.  He walks forward, then backward along the track.  Then side to side, then forward, then backward, always in a straight line!  Do they not have curves in Iceland? :)

His vocal is fired up.  This sounds a lot better than it did the first time.  Pretty rockin’ actually.  And the couch says:

Dave: Basically that Magni did a great job.  He used a lot of words to say it though.

Tommy: Regarding Magni’s original “I don’t remember anything about that.” I kind of agree. It’s nice but not really memorable.  Of course Tommy might not remember because he’s been drinking Red Bull and turpentine for three days to try and stay awake long enough to finish this taping and fly to East Bejesus, Bumfuck to play another nostalgia show with the Crue in front of a bunch of 45 year old ex-hair metal whores who got the neighbor to watch their eleven children while they shoved their drooping titties into a plus-sized bustier and dragged on some too-small spandex and paint themselves up like it was 1987 and crispy New Jersey bangs were still in style.  So much Aqua Net in the pink can will be used during the Crue tour a new hole will open in the ozone layer over North America.

Apparently when the crowd booed Tommy’s comments, he turned to them and demanded that right then, on the spot, the crowd sing the chorus.  No one could.  That means Tommy was 100% correct.  If he’d asked them to sing Toby’s song, without an instant of hesitation the entire room, to a voice, would have belted out “Oh, oh, oh oh oh oh.” Half the room would have sung the “monsters in my head every day” line.  If you asked after Lukas, the whole room would have sung “You make my head spiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn, You make my head spiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn, why, why do you....” No hesitation.  They *know* them.

Of course I think Tommy is wrong about Supersoul, but then I’m still convinced he wants to throw it in Dilana and keeps saying nice things to try to work that pussy angle.  Maybe I’m just being cynical, but for fuck’s sake it’s TLee!  The man would fuck Navarro if Dave shaved the goatee.  In fact, dave doesn’t even need to shave.  Tommy will just pretend it s an all-natural bush while he mouth-humps him.

You know what I haven’t mentioned much all season?  How unrealistically hot Brooke Burke is.  It doesn’t seem right.  If I were a woman I would want her dead.

I’m still not predicting a bottom two, because it has little to nothing to do with performances.  It’s all about who has the determination to text message or vote on the website for hours and hours, and what voting blocs struck deals with other voting blocs.  All I know is I predict Lukas for the win with Toby a possible, or at least “runner up” if there is such a thing.

The early bottom two is: Magni and Lukas.  TEAM ANYONE BUT DILANA, GET VOTING!  BURY THAT BITCH!

Posted by JimK at 10:39 PM on September 12, 2006
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Television,  Rock_Star_Supernova
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