Ha!  Hypocrisy, they name is Spitzer (this week)

Couldn’t happen to a bigger dick.

“I have acted in a way that violates my obligation to my family and violates my or any sense of right or wrong,” said Mr. Spitzer, who appeared with his wife Silda at his Manhattan office. “I apologize first and most importantly to my family. I apologize to the public to whom I promised better.”

“I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself. I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family.”

No, asshole, you broke the law, sexually objectified a woman for money and there was nary a video game or handgun in sight, you sanctimonious prick.  You can’t even be honest when you are admitting to something for which you were caught red...uhh...handed.

Do I think prostitution should be legal?  Damn skippy I do.  Do I want the full might and power of New York State’s laws against prostitution to come to bear against Eliot Spitzer anyway?  You bet your sweet ass I do.  I dislike that hypocritical bag of wind almost as much as I dislike any politician alive.  Until prostitution is made legal, he should do frigging time for what he admitted to doing.  There should be a full investigation, legal action taken to remove him from office, a re-opening of past cases involving the women he paid for and any other high-ranking officials involved and ultimately charges filed against Spitzer.

He’s a dick, and this is gloriously delicious schadenfreude.  Oh the deliciousness, it is so tasty.  Good job electing that dick, New York!  Way to pick ‘em (he says, as a resident of a state that only recently got rid of a horribly corrupt governor).

*UPDATE*

Bye bye!

New York’s randy governor gave a red-faced resignation speech this morning in the wake of revelations that he patronized prostitutes while traveling on official business.

Effective next Monday Gov. Spitzer will cede power to Lt. Gov. David Paterson, making him the state’s first black governor and only the fourth in the nation since Reconstruction.

The Post broke the news of his imminent resignation at 8:38 this morning.

The best part?

“There is no agreement between this office and Governor Eliot Spitzer, relating to his resignation or any other matter,” Michael Garcia, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, said in a statement minutes after Spitzer’s announcement.

He is SO doing time for this.  An example should be made.  Federal PMITA time if we’re all lucky.

Posted by JimK at 08:48 PM on March 10, 2008
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Categories: News,  Politics,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Eliot Spitzer prostitution Politics

Escape from Union County, Shawshank style

It seems too ridiculous to be real.

Two jail inmates used photos of bikini-clad women to hide holes they used to escape and left behind a thank-you note, signed with a smiley face, for a guard they claimed helped them, officials said Monday.

Jose Espinosa, 20, and Otis Blunt, 32, squeezed through the openings sometime before dawn Saturday in a high-security unit of the Union County jail, jumped onto a rooftop below, and made it over a 25-foot-high fence topped with razor wire, authorities said.

Authorities withheld the name of the officer the inmates said was involved. The note, found in Espinosa’s cell, read, “Thank you Officer ... for the tools needed. You’re a real pal. Happy holidays.”

Authorities are investigating the claims. The guard named in the note has not yet turned in a report, and disciplinary action has not been taken against any guard, said county prosecutor Theodore J. Romankow said, whose office is overseeing the escape investigation.

How bad must your security be for two dumbasses to pull a Shawshank on your prison?  I swear, if New Jersey didn’t exist, we’d have to make it up.

Just when you think that the details are laughable enough, that there is no way this could get any more cliched…

They also laid out pillows and sheets to make it look like men were sleeping under blankets, authorities said.

Oh Sweet Hay-zeus on a motorcar.  Somebody is getting fired for Christmas.

Posted by JimK at 02:17 PM on December 19, 2007
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Categories: News,  Crime and Criminals,  The Stupidity Of Man
Tags:  Otis Blunt Union County escape

This guy is getting it put ON him tonight

And probably every night for quite awhile...Nathaniel Brooks is gettin’ lucky all around.

Good for him.  And her too.  :)

Posted by JimK at 04:57 PM on October 13, 2007
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Categories: News,  Crime and Criminals,  Guns - 2nd Amendment
Tags: Nathaniel Brooks guns crime

RIAA scores

Holy crap.  They just ruined this woman’s life for 24 shared songs.

Jammie Thomas, 30, a single mother from Brainerd, was ordered to pay the six record companies that sued her $9,250 for each of 24 songs they focused on in the case. They had alleged she shared 1,702 songs in all.

Look, I’m all for defending your rights (and at the same time I am quite positive that defense is killing the industry and making the consumers angry enough to intentionally circumvent any and all copyright, but hey, what do I know), but this is ridiculous. 

Also, if you decide to pirate, STOP USING KAZAA!  Never, ever, under any circumstances, use a file-sharing network.  If you must share music, do it via a secure torrent client and use PeerGuardian.  Or get a Usenet acount and use anonymous proxies to do the uploading.  Just stop using Kazaa or any other file-sharing network.  There are ways to both download and provide MP3s without giving your information to the RIAA snoops.

The worst part of all of this?  Artists won’t see a single frigging extra dime from all of this court drama.  It only lines the coffers of the RIAA and increases the bonus for some talentless record execs.

Posted by JimK at 04:10 PM on October 05, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  News,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: file sharing riaa

It’s about soda cans, not “nothing”

This is simply amazing.  a whole bunch of people are pulling a variation on the Michigan deposit scam from that old Seinfeld episode.

Wow.  I also enjoyed this because this local news team treated like they were breaking the Kennedy assassination conspiracy wide open.  I mean, choppers in the air?  Really?  That was necessary?

Posted by JimK at 07:35 PM on September 28, 2007
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Categories: Television,  Humor,  News,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: michigan deposit Seinfeld

Schadenfreude goes both ways - Rob Briley goes nuts

We all had a good laugh at Larry Craig.  Now the Dems get to duck and cover for a few days, even though this guy is “only” a Tennessee state Democrat, not a national player.  Rob Briley just lost his mind after getting stopped for DUI.

Nazi references, singing “Springtime For Hitler,” sobbing and begging to get shot?  Holy crap.  This is better than the guy “crying” about Britney.  You wilkl have to jump around...go forward like three minutes, watch him throw a fit on the side of the road, then jump ahead to 8 minutes or so and listen to him verbally abuse and then beg the arresting officer.

Classic.  Someone is gonna have to resign tomorrow morning.  :) Here’s some details on what happened leading up to this, plus some stuff about who this guy is.

More

A heavily intoxicated Briley, chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, fled the scene of an accident in DeKalb County on Saturday afternoon, then led police in Wilson County on a 100-mile-an-hour chase before finally stopping, according to police reports and court documents.

...

Briley is chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.

...

According to warrants filed in Wilson County Sessions Court, Briley was clocked at 72 mph in a 45-mph zone of Sparta Pike.

Watertown Police Department Officer Ricky Lucy fell in behind the speeding Nissan SUV and turned on his blue lights and siren.

Briley glanced back, then sped up, reaching speeds of more than 100 miles per hour, according to the arrest report filed by Lucy.

When Briley finally stopped in the middle of the road, Lucy and another officer approached the vehicle with guns drawn.

Briley got out of the vehicle with his hands raised, but then went back to the SUV and drank from a blue plastic cup, Lucy’s report stated.

Briley “had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage … also had red watery eyes,” failed a field sobriety test and appeared to be in a “high level of intoxication,” according to the warrants signed by Lucy.

Briley complained to the arresting officers of injuries to his hand and elbow and said he had been taking anti-depressant medicine that occasionally made him dizzy.

Lucy said in his report that he began to give Briley field sobriety tests but that Briley was so unstable on his feet that “I felt any further (testing) would be dangerous.”

An empty bottle of Maker’s Mark and bottles of medication were found inside the vehicle, according to the report.

...

Briley, grandson of the late Nashville Mayor Beverly Briley, is one of the Legislature’s most powerful members. Besides chairing the Judiciary Committee, which deals with all bills involving the criminal justice system, he is a member of the House Ethics Committee and played a central role in shaping ethics legislation that was enacted by the General Assembly last year.

The judiciary committee is scheduled to review a proposal to overhaul of the state’s drunken-driving laws next year.

Hat tip: Ace

Less

Posted by JimK at 12:49 AM on September 13, 2007
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Tags: Rob Briley DUI

One reason to avoid marriage

OMG OMG OMG OMG.

A woman set fire to her ex-husband’s penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was “difficult to predict.”

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

“It was monstrously painful,” the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

1. Living with your ex is common in Russia?  Is Russia the fourth circle of frigging hell?

2. Three years divorced?  My guess is, he was finally dating.  And well...he’s a man.  So he obviously deserved it.

Posted by JimK at 11:57 PM on August 25, 2007
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Categories: Humor,  News,  International Events,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: odd news crime Russia

Dog Chapman will likely not rot in a Mexican jail

Dog Chapman is almost a free man.

All criminal charges may have been dropped in Mexico against TV bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman, his son and another member of his crew for capturing a convicted American rapist on the lam four years ago, TMZ reported Thursday.

A Mexican federal court had charged Chapman, 53, and the others with deprivation of liberty for seizing Andrew Luster, an heir to the Max Factor cosmetics fortune, in June 2003 in Puerto Vallarta.

A&E’s Dog site is reporting this as well. 

Earlier this week the First Criminal Court in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico dismissed all criminal charges pending against Dog, Tim and Leland Chapman on the grounds that the statute of limitations had expired. The order effectively cancelled all pending charges.

They add that charges may be re-filed if the prosecution appeals by August 8 and wins the appeal.  It’s almost over, and good.  Dog did a great thing getting Andrew Luster off the streets, and he shouldn’t have to rot in a Mexican hell hole for it.

Call me crazy, but doesn’t it feel like some back room deal was cut?  I wonder what we had to give up in order to get the authorities to dismiss the charges.

Posted by JimK at 07:26 PM on August 02, 2007
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Categories: Television,  News,  International Events,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Dog the Bounty Hunter

The Catholic Church in LA to pay $660 million

It’s about time.

Parishioners across the sprawling Los Angeles Archdiocese responded with relief, support and a measure of worry Sunday to news that the church will pay $660 million to victims of clergy sexual abuse, the largest payout to date in the nationwide Roman Catholic molestation crisis.

But some also angrily blamed Cardinal Roger M. Mahony for failing to reach a settlement in the local cases years earlier.

“I’m furious,” said Robert Sotelo, a retired West Covina electrician, after hearing Mahony celebrate Mass at the downtown Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels. “Why did he take so long?”

Well, until the massive amount of abuse in Boston was publicly uncovered, the Church was, as it always has been, supremely arrogant in believing that they were untouchable.  That’s one reason.  They wanted to hide the systemic problem in the priesthood.  That’s another reason.  The fact that the Church is made mostly of men, with all the flaws and desires contained therein, and are expected to fight human nature at every turn and suppress the way we were all made, well that’s yet another.

You know what’s missing from this long-term, massive scandal?  A hell of a lot of criminal prosecutions.

Posted by JimK at 04:37 PM on July 17, 2007
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Categories: News,  The Catholic Church,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: catholic church scandal abuse

Running campaign, high on cocaine

Joo-lee-an-ee up an, fired mah ass.  Trouble ahead, trouble behind, I don’t really care cuz, coke blows my mind.

South Carolina Treasurer Thomas Ravenel, a former real estate developer who became a rising political star after his election last year, was indicted Tuesday on federal cocaine charges.

The millionaire is accused of buying less than 500 grams of the drug to share with other people in late 2005, U.S. Attorney Reggie Lloyd said. Ravenel, 44, is charged with distribution of cocaine, which carries a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison.

The investigation into Ravenel arose from a drug case last year in Charleston, Lloyd said. State Law Enforcement Division Chief Robert Stewart said his agents were aware of the allegations before Ravenel was elected in November, but they didn’t have enough information to pursue criminal charges. The case was turned over to the FBI in April.

“The investigation is just beginning,” the federal prosecutor said.

Thomas Ravenel is also the state chairman for former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s presidential campaign. Giuliani’s campaign issued a statement saying Ravenel had stepped down.

Yeah.  I can imagine that phone call.  “Rudy, I’m calling to tell you that///” “I already know, asshole, and you’re fucking so fired.  I’m running for god-damned President of the god-damned United god-damned States of god-damned America here you dick.  I will throw you a bone though.  We’ll just say you stepped down.  Be thankful I don’t have you killed.”

Who even does cocaine anymore?  Who does this guy think he is, Bud Fox snorting lines off Darien’s tight young ass?  It’s not 1987, dude.  Up your shit, bro.  Ritalin.  Meth.  Something.

Posted by JimK at 04:02 AM on June 21, 2007
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Categories: News,  Politics,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Thomas Ravenel