I’m the last person to blame hormones, glands or the food undustry for “making” me or anyone else fat. let me say that right off the bat. 99.95% of us fatsos are fat because we eat too much and move too little and that’s the truth of it. But…
How did we get here? In part, this picture essay explains some of it. I know that you have all heard a parent or grandparent telling you to clean your plate. I don’t know if parents still use this one, but back in the day I would get that “There are kids starving in China” line.
Train kids to clean their plates and you end up with adults that do it out of habit and/or compulsion. Couple that with the “more food is a better bargain” mentality and the propensity for larger and larger portion sizes, add in a dash of suburban sprawl forcing us to drive everywhere, take away any physical labor required to gather massive amounts of food and bing bang boom, you have a nation of sedentary, fat bastards.
I think the thing that illustrates the problem - moreso than the burger or pizza images, is the soda.
Who ever needs that much soda? I spent most of my life literally thinking that I was an idiot to even consider the smaller amount. It just doesn’t make sense on a cost-per-ounce basis, right? Whatta bahgain! 64 ounces for just ten cents more! Meanwhile the cost of fountain soda is so low that the only reason most places bother charging for it is because the cup is so expensive. The cost, for them, of 32 ounces of soda versus 64 ounces is probably less than two cents, if it’s even that. It makes good business sense to trick the consumer into thinking it’s a bargain. That’s where the “finish your plate” mentality comes in. We’ve paid for it now, it would be senseless to waste it.
The way to fight this is first to be aware of it. The second is to take the smaller option. You are not an idiot for choosing the smallest portion possible. Sometimes I get McDonalds for Donna as I am coming home from the gym. One out of every four times or so, I order a small fry for myself. Is it the best deal per fry? I don’t know, nor do I care. what I know is, I love fries, and I want fries, but it only makes sense to have a small amount that can easily be metabolized. So that’s what I get.
Smart decisions. That’s what it comes down to. Don’t let the bastards get you down - or fatter. They’ll sell you as much as you are willing to buy, and you know what? They’re right to try. Caveat Emptor, people. The only way you become an idiot in this game is if you fork over your money for the big stuff because it’s a “better deal.”
Buy enough food to stop you from being hungry, eat it slowly and then stop when you aren’t hungry anymore. That alone will transform your body. No real work required. Think smart, buy less, eat slowly.
Yeah. Sushi. Raw tuna, nori, wasabi, the whole fucking thing. Eel and shit. I actually dislike the california roll ones; the more traditional and Japanese it is the better I seem to like it. The avacado just flattens it out and you can’t taste the fish anymore.
I’m even eating what was nose-destroying hot wasabi a week ago (actually just horseradish and food coloring) like it’s candy. Turns out it’s damn near impossible to get real wasabi in this country. You have to import it. In fact, most Japanese people end up just eating horseradish and food coloring as well, because wasabi root doesn’t keep for long and powdering it destroys any complexity. It ends up tasting like; you guessed it, horseradish and food coloring.
What the hell? Since when do I eat this crap? Since now apparently. I’ve had sushi like, two or three days a week for a couple weeks now. It’s tasty, fills me up like mad and the calorie count is awesome for the whole diet concept.
So do you eat this stuff? And no, this is not some elaborate prank where I later liken eating sushi to cunnilingus. I mean actual sushi. :) Got a favorite kind?
(Hey Jody, you and John have been to places around me...is the one on Skiff any good? Or the one on Dixwell next to the tattoo parlor? I haven’t had anything but salmon, tuna and eel so far, and I’m interested to try some crazy shit.)
Marilyn Manson releases “Mansinthe.” I’m not making this up.
He just gets sillier and more out of touch with every passing day. So Manson has release a vanity absinthe, and Epicurious reviewed it. Unfavorably, I might add.
So did Mansinthe have what it takes to be a premium absinthe? According to the tasters, the answer is, sadly, no. The No. 1 problem was the aroma, which some verbally compared to sewage water or swamp mud, but with the exception of a lone taster, the panel felt it wasn’t really worth wading through the odor to get to mediocre flavor anyway.
They rated each aspect of it in detail. None of it is really good. Kind of to be expected at this point. And oh my ever-loving Jesus, that name is horrid.
This was just fantastic, and I had to share. My first ever risotto that wasn’t a boil-and-serve packaged mix. Forgive the crap photo, my old-as-the-hills Canon Powershot S230 makes all food look terrible:
1 cup pesto (you can make it from scratch, but I didn’t)
1/2 cup milk
1 packet Knorr creamy pesto mix (I know, but it’s awesome, so to hell with you purists)
1 medium onion, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
15-20 large leaves fresh basil, chiffonaded
8-16 large shitake mushroom caps, diced
3 cups chicken stock (again, I used store-bought but you can substitute whatever you like)
2 cups arborio (risotto) rice
1/4 cup olive or canola oil
salt to taste
Add half the oil to the pan. Sautee the onions and garlic for a few minutes on low to medium heat until translucent. Add dry rice. Stir for two minutes. Add 1 (ONE) cup of the liquid. Add a pinch or two of salt. Stir until liquid is absorbed before adding any more. Add one cup at a time and wait for the liquid to be absorbed before adding more. Stir constantly. Add Shitake mushrooms after cup number two of liquid. Taste it, even though the rice will be crunchy. This is when you decide if it needs more salt. Tiny dashes, re-taste! Always taste it before you end up over-seasoning it!
Note: there is no time on this stage. You must stir constantly and add small amounts of liquid, allowing the risotto to absorb it before adding more. Depending on your stove, your pan and your technique this could take forever, or twenty minutes. Just do it slowly and do it right! It will pay off.
After the third cup of liquid is absorbed, taste it. Is it crunchy? Add 1/2 cups of liquid until the exact moment the rice is no longer crunchy, but is still firm. I needed a total of four cups of liquid.
Add the pesto. Stir a lot. Taste. Add salt if needed. Taste again. Taste often!
Meanwhile, take the remaining oil, the 1/2 cup of milk and the Knorr creamy pesto mix and mix it separately. Now, if you are dead set against the mix, just use an extra quarter cup of pesto sauce, the milk, the oil, and a couple teaspoons of corn starch or some other thickener. That should make a nice creamy pesto.
Add your creamy mix to the risotto. Stir until mostly absorbed and thick. Get it off the heat. Taste! Stir in chiffonaned fresh basil, and serve. You could top it with a bit of the basil, or some finely minced chives might be nice. Or nothing, because it’s so good.
Should serve four, maybe five. Three if everyone’s hungry.
As for the swordfish - buy it fresh, coat it with some version of a cajun rub and fry it, grill it or broil it. Just don’t overcook it!
Now you tell me that isn’t a reason to live. A pre-trimmed weight of 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Gloriously beautiful New York Strips. A mountain of meat, awaiting a 48 hour soak in a wet marinade, then a brief toweling off before being rubbed with dry seasony goodness, seared to perfection and consumed with great delight.
We must form a religion based around this. We’ll call it Beefism. Or, to be inclusive of pork and poultry, Fleshism. Our mortal enemies? The Vegans. To paraphrase Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket, “All fucking vegans must fucking hang.”
I’ll give you quantities and amounts for 4 4 oz. burgers, even though I made 6 oz. burgers. :)
1 lb. ground turkey. Lower the fat the better, as you will be adding a bit of fat with the next ingredient.
1 tbsp. Basil Oil. You may of course substitute anything you like, but add some fresh basil if you don’t use basil oil.
1.5 tbsp Chipotle powder.
Salt (to taste)
Fresh chives (to taste)
Garlic powder (to taste)
10 dashes Worcestershire sauce
Maple Chipotle Grille Sauce
Red onions (I’d say one large per pound of meat, more if you really love onions)
Sargento pepperjack cheese (pre-sliced)
Prep:
Big bowl. Ground turkey inside. Add the oil or finely chopped fresh basil if you’ve skipped the extra oil. Hey, it’s only a tablespoon, hardly any fat or calories really. I’m using it to help keep the burgers a bit moist, but mostly to add that sweet basil flavor. Now add 1 (only one!) tablespoon of the chipotle powder, plus the salt, garlic powder, a good handful of finely chopped chives and half (5 dashes) of the worcestershire sauce. I used a teaspoon each of salt and garlic powder per pound of meat, but your taste (or sodium intake requirements) may vary. Mix thoroughly. I use my hands. Don’t overmix it. That makes the burgers tough. After it’s mixed, make patties and place them on wax paper. Stack ‘em up and let ‘em rest in the fridge while you move on to the onions.
Slice your onions in thin, 1/8th inch slices. I like to slice the onion in half first, then slice ‘em into slices. That way, after they’re cooked, you get nice-sized onions that don’t fall all the hell off your burger.
Heat the pan on high. For this I used a really good non-stick pan. Add your oil; I use a little fat-free cooking spray, specifically a garlic-flavored one, but you can sweat them down with whatever oil you like, or none at all if you gots the skills. Toss the onions in, and sprinkly with a bit of salt (flavor plus it will extract some of the water) and the rest of the chipotle powder, plus the other five dashes of worcestershire. As soon as you’re done stirring that in, reduce the heat to medium. You want to slowly extract the water and sugar from these. On my stove with the crappy burners it took 25 minutes to get them a nice, caramelized brown without getting crispy. You do NOT want to fry them! No crisp. Just soft, sweet oniony goodness. Lots of stirring, once every three minutes or so, depending on the power of your burners. You’re looking for translucent onions with loads of stickiness and a sweet flavor.
Back to the burgers: I grilled them. You can cook them however you like, but make sure they are thoroughly cooked...this isn’t beef! It will taste awful if it’s medium or rare. We topped them with a slice of Sargento pre-sliced pepperjack cheese. Oddly, I found that to be a bit spicy and Donna thought it was perfect, so you can top them with whatever your taste dictates.
Don’t forget to toast the buns. Important! Now, assemble the deliciousness: use the Maple Chipotle sauce like it was ketchup, top with a healthy dollop of onions and if you like - and I did - a sprinkle of some of those chopped chives. Eat. Repeat if necessary. :)
Total calories for one SIX ounce burger, served on a basic kaiser roll, using the brands of ingredients I listed: 607. If you make 4 oz. burgers, it’s 523.
We didn’t even bother with a side dish here, but some fresh corn-on-the-cob done in a spicy boil, maybe served with some herbed butter if you’re eating butter? I could see that as a massively awesome side.
See, you all are like, the watchers. I know that no one cares that much about a fat blogger trying to get healthy, but by posting this stuff in public, someone out there will call me on my shit if I don’t progress. Therefore, I burden you with these posts.
Hey, at least I post hot chicks and goofy shit all the time. There has to be some downside to coming here. I think that’s a law of physics or something.
on Monday, I had to skip my usual supervised PT appointment to take Donna to an important doctor's appointment. On the way home, regardless of the fact that I had very lean pork in the fridge ready for a low-fat-but-hearty meal, I decided that since her appointment sucked hog balls, she should be rewarded with one of the awesomest steaks in the known worlds. I make that awesomest steak, by the way, because I rule. So I stopped at the only decent meat market within a cosmic light year and bought two two-inch-thick ribeyes. They have to be that thick so as to develop the right char on the outside while still keeping the inside tender.
Umm, here's the thing. I sort of forgot that I was watching what I eat and I ate my entire steak, and around five ounces of Donna's as well. I ate about 30 ounces of steak that night. I was a very, very bad person. I ate approximately two days worth of calories in one meal. So begins the week of atonement.
Tuesday I went to the pool to make up for missing Monday. I swam a full quarter mile and did a half-hour of medium-speed exercise. I also dropped my total calorie intake for any given day to 1800. Wednesday I did the usual land and water PT. I also swam another quarter mile. Later that night I thought that my arms and legs were going to fall right the fuck off. I weighed myself and I had gained back three frigging pounds. I tried to eat lighter all week. Yesterday I did a "Friday" pool workout minus the laps, as I was still sore-bordering-on-hurt. I also tried a new cereal yesterday. Fiber One. If you watched SNL during the Phil Hartman years, you remember this commercial for Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow:
Yeah, they invented that. It's called Fiber One. I have lost four-and-a-half full pounds in just over 29 hours. This is not a liquidity issue. This is exactly the promise of a fiber cereal - regularity, only...a lot of it. A painful amount of regularity. As well as the abdominal distension promised in the commercial. :)
I am going right back to Raisin Bran. I learned my lesson with the curry, and now I have learned it with the fiber cereal.
Anyway, I'm down from pre-steak weight and overall, and I'm used to the lower calorie intake, so I may drop it another notch next week. What I am not doing is eating any more of that Fiber One bullshit. That's some fucked-up nonsense that does inhumane things to one's ass region.
I made the lowest-fat, highest flavor version of my “Cajun Curry” yet. The chicken was marinading for hours and hours in a garlic-herb mix that also went into the mushrooms, onions and the water in which I boiled the rice. I used maybe 4 tablespoons of oil for approximately seven quarts of food. I sauteed everything with Pam. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that and I gotta tell you - I love a great oil, but Pam really accomplishes the physics of frying without all the fat. I can see using a lot more of it in the future.
Now I’m sipping on a 2006 Bargetto Monterey County Gewurztraminer (buy it here). Really, really tasty. Finishes so clean, but has a taste a bit like good champagne without the bubbles. Crisp fruit tones too. Just the thing to cool my mouth down after all that spice. If you’re looking for a nice summer wine to go with barbecue, a spicy meal or just to sit in the heat and sip, try it. Being a netgeek, I got mine from Woot.com, of course. :)
Moorewatch is sucking all the blog-energy I have...and by the way if you haven’t stopped by lately, check out the last few weeks of posts. Everyone who writes for the site now is kicking major ass and doing some real investigative blogging. Donna’s even writing for us now. It;s coming together as a place to discuss all sides of the health care debate - as well as of course continuing to watch the bloviating hack and everything he says.
Anyway, the other thing that sucked a week of my life with no payoff is the Eidos game Just Cause. Fuck Eidos and fuck that game. Oh, I don’t mean to say the game is bad; on the contrary it was fun, so thanks to the person who suggested it. It was fun right up until I ran into a bug that prevented me from advancing the storyline and completing any more missions. I’m not the only one either - the intertubes are full of people asking how to use the remote detonator for the triggered explosives. See, there’s this mission: You have to parachute or drive in to this power plant and blow up three different areas. As you leave, you find that the dictator guy is building a nuke plant, and you have to set explosives and get really far away before they blow up. A timer starts as soon as they explode and you have to be at an extraction point 60 seconds after the explosion or you die. Triggered explosives would obviously be the only way to accomplish that...but my equipment list did NOT contain the detonator for them. I went to each and every safe house, to the mission briefing area, anywhere you can get weapons. Once I discovered so many other people with the same bug...I gave up and sent the game back to Gamefly. That kind of thing pisses me off. I don’t mind finding out I screwed up or I don’t have the skill to beat a game. What I refuse to accept in a game is when the code is so bad that I can’t finish the game due to bugs. Eidos never patched this thing, and they’re busy on Just Cause 2, so they never will. This bug is in all versions of the game, BTW...just not in everyone’s copy. or maybe it is, but only certain events in combination trigger it. No one knows. One thing I do know is Eidos can kiss my ass.
So now I’m all Splinter Cell-ing it up with Double Agent. I forgot how patient you have to be in a Splinter Cell game. I’m so used to Crackdown - which is violence that is just cartoonish abandon - and Rainbow and Gears, which are “run to cover and gun.” Splinter Cell is a whole other style of play, very slow, very patient.
Anyone have any suggestions for a sandbox-style game like Crackdown or Just Cause? I love those kinds of games, and GTA4 won’t be out for awhile. Is Saint’s Row really any good? It’s hard to tell from the demo.
The last thing that has been sucking time is I cook virtually every day now, meals from scratch, not quick shit like before. It really is time consuming, I forgot what it was like to cook this much. It’s fun, though, finding all these different ways to use veggies and lean meats. My kebabs are freaking spectacular, beef, pork or chicken. All that zucchini and onion and pepper and mushroom, with garlicky cajun-spiced marinade...mmm. Grilled sweet and regular potatoes are becoming a favorite. Grilled asparagus is awful for the smell that comes out in the wee, but divine for the taste as it goes in. I’m putting cajun spices on frigging everything.
The worst part of cooking is the damn dishes. I need an illegal to clean my kitchen for three bucks an hour. Maybe I could hire a super-hot Ukrainian girl. According to Hostel and Hostel II, all Ukrainian girls under age 30 are disarmingly beautiful and full of sex appeal. Of course they also work for murdering gangs of criminal businessmen who kidnap Americans for torture, so maybe I should stick with cleaning it myself. ;)
Good news is I have actually lost 4 pounds (off that ten pound gain since I started exercising) since I started tracking calories at My Calorie Counter. Cap, that site was a real help...thanks again. I love that I can add whole meals in there, and then later just select them if I eat them that day. It makes it a lot easier to track what is going on.
Now...the big question is, should I get the NSA or the JBA to trust me more? ;)
Chillin, relaxin’, ain’t thinkin’ ‘bout no junk
Eatin’ my corn muffin, drinkin’ coffee from The Dunk
Every thing in the news makes me oh so suspicious,
But corn muffin and coffee equals crazy delicious!
Don’t ask me, I just transmit the stuff my brain tells me to write. It’s not like I’m in charge over here.
So, the whole exercising/weight loss thing. It’s going well, save for the actual loss of you know...weight. I know, a corn muffin from Dunkin Donuts isn’t exactly diet food, but I really have cut out a huge amount of fattening and sugary crap. I’ve had more fruit & vegetables this week than I have in the last year. I’ve had my last hurrah with cookies last week - from now on I’m not even going to buy them and “ration” them out. Just cut them altogether. I replaced ice cream with sorbet a few months ago, now I’m replacing sorbet with fresh and frozen fruit. I really am, this corn muffin aside, trying to change my entire way of looking at buying food.
Oh, the coffee. Yes, cream and sugar. I calculated it. It’s about 140 to 180 calories per giant serving that I drink. I drink a max of one per day, and some days none at all. The coffee stays. Period. I don’t care if Jesus himself comes down to tell me that it has to go. You, Jesus and anyone else that tries to take my coffee from me can just try, you bastards. I’ll cut you, I swear.
Anyway, today’s main meal will be (ultra-lean) pork kabobs, heavy on the veg and light on the pork, marinated in a herb/garlic marinade that is crazy low-fat. Last night was a very small and lean NY Strip and grilled asparagus. That grilled asparagus was just incredible. A light coating of garlic-infused canola oil (like a tablespoon for the whole bundle, most of which ended up burning off in the grill) and salt. That was it. I could have skipped the steak it was so good.
This leads me to a question - Why am I always hungry now? Not “yeah, I could eat” but really actually hungry? I haven’t been *actually* hungry in a long, long time. Now I wake up every day with a slight hungry feeling, and mere hours after I eat, I am hungry again. Is it removing a lot of fat and starch and meat that’s doing it? Are people who eat healthy (or healthier, anyway) always hungry? Or am I just a frigging pig?
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Watch and learn
(5 total, Last @ 11:08) Noblebrown:The video is exaggerated propaganda made when the Red Scare was still around. Nevertheless, it's pretty spot-on for hardcore socialism.…
Watch and learn
(5 total, Last @ 11:08) Noblebrown:The video is exaggerated propaganda made when the Red Scare was still around. Nevertheless, it's pretty spot-on for hardcore socialism.…
Watch and learn
(5 total, Last @ 11:08) Noblebrown:The video is exaggerated propaganda made when the Red Scare was still around. Nevertheless, it's pretty spot-on for hardcore socialism.…
Watch and learn
(5 total, Last @ 11:08) Noblebrown:The video is exaggerated propaganda made when the Red Scare was still around. Nevertheless, it's pretty spot-on for hardcore socialism.…
Watch and learn
(5 total, Last @ 11:08) Noblebrown:The video is exaggerated propaganda made when the Red Scare was still around. Nevertheless, it's pretty spot-on for hardcore socialism.…
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