Friday, November 08, 2002
Daschle seeks leadership role at KFC
DASCHLE SEEKS LEADERSHIP ROLE AT KFC
Butts Heads With Store Manager Over Extra-Crispy Issue Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle announced today that he has begun working at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Bethesda, Maryland and intends to seek a leadership role there. “The workers here at KFC are crying out for a leader,” Senator Daschle said in a press conference outside the restaurant, which is situated between a Blockbuster Video and a Lenscrafters store in a nondescript strip mall. “I am that leader.” Capitol Hill insiders were stunned to learn that Mr. Daschle, who up until Tuesday’s elections was the most powerful man in the United States Senate, would accept a role at a takeout poultry restaurant. But the Washington rumor mill had already predicted such a move on Wednesday, when Mr. Daschle and outgoing House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt were spotted getting copies of ther resumes made at a Kinko’s in Georgetown. While Senator Daschle did not lay out a specific plan for securing a leadership position at KFC, it was clear that he intended to make the crispiness of KFC’s “Extra Crispy” chicken a central issue in his campaign. “This is America, and we are capable of making crispier chicken than the so-called �Extra Crispy� chicken we are making today,� Daschle said. Despite Senator Daschle’s forceful rhetoric, there were signs that his ascendancy to a leadership role at KFC could be blocked by the store manager, Carla, who seemed resolutely unimpressed with Mr. Daschle�s job performance thus far. “Instead of standing in front of the store talking to reporters, I’d like to see him get his ass back there behind the fryer,” Carla told reporters. |
Ha! Good stuff. Found at The Borowitz Report.
Posted by JimK at 01:12 AM on November 08, 2002
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Thursday, October 31, 2002
He’s a one man band, in his own right, Jam-Master jams to the broad daylight
If you grew up in the past 25 years, then you likely know at least one Run-DMC song. I grew up listening to Run-DMC and Led Zeppelin on the same mix tape.
Well...someone shot Jam Master Jay. In the head. And it makes me sad.
Not only did they help pioneer the rap genre, they pioneered the rap & roll movement as well. It’s been bastardized and destroyed, but at one point it was innovative.
Posted by JimK at 09:32 AM on October 31, 2002
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Sunday, October 27, 2002
Damn it, Janet
Every time I see this woman preaching to me, I want to shove a DVD of her singing “t-t-t-t-t-t-touch me...i wanna be dirty...” down her preachy throat. No wonder she wants nothing to do with Rocky Horror. WHo could take her and her boobs seriously after watching that movie?
I wish Hollywood would get the message: We don’t care what you think. Shut up and make movies.
Posted by JimK at 10:58 AM on October 27, 2002
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Friday, October 25, 2002
“She’s so outrageous…”
Does no one at E! feel the least bit guilty about this? If you’ve ever watched this train-wreck of a show, you’d know what I mean. Anna is constantly being manipulated by people far more intelligent than she is, people who aren’t constantly high, into one situation after another that creates friction and drama. Sure it’s all good TV, and she’s getting paid and all that, but the people she trusts in her life are using her, just like Playboy and that rich old bastard did, and when they’re done they’ll toss her aside.
I used to hate Anna Nicole Smith, but now I just feel sorry for her.
Posted by JimK at 06:20 AM on October 25, 2002
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Monday, October 21, 2002
Helloooooooo, Captain Obvious!
They found drugs on Kid Rock’s bus. Also, water is wet, the sky is blue, the sun also rises and Pam Anderson is a Heppy skeeze.
However, that is one loyal assistant, man. If Kid ever fires that guy, he should do everything in his power to fuck up Kid’s life, because he’s taking the hit, and you don’t abandon people who take the hit for you.
Posted by JimK at 09:04 AM on October 21, 2002
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