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Thought you might like this article located here: https://right-thoughts.us/index.php/weblog/comments/survivor_cook_islands_week_3_united_colors_of_benneton_are_a_lie/ Survivor: Cook Islands Week 3 - United Colors of Benneton are a lie! WARNING: I intend to offend.  When I say this will be offensive, I want you to take me seriously.  I will be “translating” what Mark Burnett Productions are actually saying to the world when they air a particular edited segment of the show.  If the very idea of racial humor offends you, get the hell away from this blog right now. Do not waste time complaining to me afterwards.  You were warned. And now, my running commentary on Survivor: Whitey Wanna Subjugate Someone Island, Week 3. Recap We start with MBP (Mark Burnett Productions) showing us a clip of the black team dancing because they made fire.  Translation: “Look at the dancing monkeys, America!  Look how silly those monkeys are, all excited over fire!” And Prometheus wept. Next, MBP shows us the white tribe recapping their difficulties making decisions as a group. Translation: “When whitey has a problem, it’s a managerial issue, because we own everything, never forget that you mudpeople.” MBP shows us the Hispanic tribe next and how they schemed to get rid of the fat one. Translation: “See?  These wetbacks can’t be trusted.  They’ll lose the challenge just to kick one of their own out, and you trust them with your kids or your lawns?” Also, MBP reminded us that the desperate, fat, lazy, shiftless Mexican has a crush on the white girl, who wouldn’t piss on him if he needed the moisture after crawling across the desert for three days just to get to Los Angeles and take a job being chamois boy number three at Speedy Gonzalez car Wash on La Brea. Then they show us that the Asian guy goes to Exile Island and succeeds.  He finds the immunity token.  Translation: Asians always succeed for fear of disappointing their ancestors, the sneaky yellow bastards. Lastly, Burnett drives the stake through the fat one’s heart and reminds us that he was infatuated with a white girl who is above his station in life.  Cue the world beat intro music! Mark Burnett is truly a socially conscious and caring man.  Best producer ever. This Week’s Episode We open on Aitu, the MBP PC term for “the wetback tribe.” Can I just say these are the whitest Latinos in human history?  Jesus Christ, they couldn’t find anyone with an accent or dark skin to represent for our Hispanic brothers and sisters? Shift to Puka, MBP shorthand for “slanty-eyed sneaky japs and gooks.” The crazy old Vietnamese guy rambles about war and college and shit.  I think maybe he got some Agent Orange back in the old country.  He’s not really coherent. Slide over to Raro, which in MBP World is known as “Clearly Superior Due To Anglo Genetics.” I think if they could have called them “Arayantonga” they would have.  Again, nothing interesting happens with the white folks, just like in real life. Successful Asian Stereotype comes back from Exile Island, and they drop a surprise: We’re integrating!  HELL NO WE WON’T GO!  Smith vs The Board of Education was a travesty!  Screw that!  No integration!  I’ll die before I let my favorite white Survivor cast member compete along side one of those darkies, wetbacks or slanty-eyed nips! So they’re now splitting among the sexes.  I may have committed to doing this recap shit too soon.  I don’t care about this nonsense at all, I mean I already saw the Network Battle Of The Sexes in like 1978 or some shit.  Adrienne Barbeau and her huge titties...now THAT was something to care about, I don’t care about these skank bitches and doofus nimrod guys...Oh shit, Hippy Dreadlocks just said she wanted to pick “the sister on the end.” And she said “sistER,” not sistAH.” Don’t she know white folk can’t be usin’ those words and shit?  Who the fuck she think she be, fuckin’ Ricki Lake or some shit?  Oh HELL no!  Oh no she di’int! *snap* The black woman with the cornrows just pointed to an Asian team member and said “Yellow!” Sweet.  I know she meant the shirt, but fucking hell, I damn near spit my fruit punch at the monitor, and you KNOW black people love fruit punch, so it would be like sacrilege to waste it when black people are on the screen. The men pick, and it’s boring because nothing racist happens.  They leave crazy Vietnamese refugee guy as last pick. The captains squeeze eggs and half are red, half are blue, so now there are two big tribes mixed up by race and gender, and Survivor just got fucking boring again.  Raro is blue, Aitu is red.  I swear they did this to avoid backlash...no fucking way was this the plan from the beginning.  Otherwise all the race shit was 100% useless.  Yes, it got them publicity, but no ratings...and they lost sponsors. And there is our answer.  Mark Burnett Productions and the network got together and decided that the sponsors were worth much more than whatever this experiment was supposed to be. Raro has a roundtable discussion about how it’s a melting pot again.  Yes, we get it.  How about you stop hitting me over the head with that ham fist, Burnett? Aitu gets to know each other...but just one more time, MBP makes sure we all know that Billy was a big fat Latin loser and the white girl wouldn’t have touched him with one of the Asian women’s sideways pussies.  Sleep well, Billy!  You suck and all of America knows it! Pavarti is literally eye-fucking all the men on her tribe.  Someone will be tapping that ass before this is over.  Or multiple someones. Jonathan tries to sell Hippy Girl on an alliance by saying “I think we can align with a couple of “The Asians.” It came out of his mouth in Capital Letters.  She’s into not being white, dude.  Haven’t you gotten that yet? Yul and Becky are totally sticking to bloodlines and tribes...Yul straight out said it, “our backgrounds.” Maybe there’s racist hope for this show yet!  Go go Yellow Alliance! How come no one wants a black person in thier alliance?  I mean, the one black guy left got an octopus with a spear.  I will not make a spearchucking joke, because Mark Burnett Productions already fucking has.  Pavarti looked at him like she wanted to drop to her knees and suck his big black dick right then and there.  Jesus ever loving CHRIST, she’s a whore.  She’s like Paris Hilton without the morals.  (Yes! Another opportunity to work Paris Hilton jokes into blog posts.  Man, I live for this shit.) Here comes the challenge.  I swear to God, this is my least favorite part of this show.  This one they have to run around a circle in knee-deep water carrying 15lb. bags of sand.  If you quit, you have to turn your bag over to another team mate, the goal is to catch the team ahead of you and tackle a member.  It goes on, and on, and on… Raro tackles Cao Boi.  Where’s all that old world Vietnamese voodoo mystical bullshit?  I thought he’d like, call the fish to carry him or some fucking thing, like a VC Aquaman!.  This sucks. Raro sends Billy’s true love to Exile Island.  Are the producers going to make her hunt for an immunity idol that isn’t there?  That just seems cruel to do, especially to the white girl.  And besides, Billy will be heartbroken and try to mod an old 50’s car into a boat so he can immigrate his taco-loving ass onto Exile Island and save her from embarassment!  I hope he uses a Chevy Bel Air. Hippy Girl agrees to an alliance with the leftover members and that screws the Becky/Yul/Jonathan thing, then the whole thing starts.  Everyone starts lying and scheming and backstabbing, but ultimately what comes to light is that Flicka, Hippy Girl?  She’s really stupid. At Tribal Council, Hippy Moron only makes me hate her more.  Remember, Yul said that he would save Becky with the immunity idol if she gets kicked off.  Let’s watch! And Cecilia goes home.  Thus ends the great racial experiment for the time being.  I feel like I should call Jesse Jackson and apologize for this post. Why do I get the feeling Survivor is going to be boring next week?