Smells like teen nothingness

I have literally - no exaggeration - completely lost my sense of smell.  Everything tastes vaguely like a very, very clean penny wrapped in tissue paper.  I know, that’s a specific description, and how the hell would I know what a penny wrapped in tissue paper tastes like?

Look, I can’t tell you people everything.  Stop being so nosey.

Dinner for the next few days may as well be cardboard tubes stuffed with carpet fluff.  I have some hot-ass cajun peanuts here.  They taste like nothing.  My coffee tasted like sweet water.  Lemonade tastes like watery water.  Do you know what this is like for a fat bastard that loves to eat?  It’s like taking other men’s cocks away from Tom Cruise.  Nature is out of balance.  Something isn’t right in the universe, and order will not be restored until I can taste again, and of course Tom Cruise gets many, many cocks.  In his mouth.  All at once, if he can manage it.

If I were Vic Mackey, and I had this cold when I banged Jon Kavanaugh’s wife, I wouldn’t have been able to tell him his wife’s pussy tasted like sweet butter.  I probably would have said something like “Hey Jon, Yowah wibe’s poosy habs a vewwy fibe text-chyuh, may-uhn!” Which isn’t nearly as effective a line, you must admit.  I’m not even sure what that sentence actually says.

Posted by JimK at 09:22 PM on May 26, 2007
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Categories: Television,  Humor,  Personal
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