Fri, 29 Jun 2007 16:36:01
Seriously, how is Nigeria even a country?
Between the spammer industry, the gangs roaming the streets with frigging pet hyenas, an estimated three million people with HIV/AIDS and now this idiocy, how do they manage to keep any structure together at all?
THERE is a secretive sexual practice common to both men and women, as well as young people, and it is known as masturbation. A team of scientists in Australia recently found that 98 per cent of men engage in this sexual act, while many women cannot also feign ignorance on this sexual act. In fact, they revealed that 89 per cent of females also practise masturbation. Your Health findings show that this habit is no respecter of age, as many young boys and girls are also aware of what masturbation is all about.
Many of the medical practitioners who spoke with Your Health agreed that masturbation, which is the self-stimulation of one’s sexual organ by hand or by other means to achieve sexual excitement, satisfaction and ultimately, to ejaculation, is generally, secretive, but a bad practice common with teenagers.
Though Dr. Adewale Oguntuase says adults also masturbate, but scientists have different opinions on its effect on health. Some say that masturbation is an act that must be resisted and that those already into it should find a way to stop it because it has harmful effects on the body, especially the brain.
DEAR SIR OR MADAM,
I AM THE WIFE OF WELL RESPECTED PHYSICIAN IN MY HOME CITY OF ENUGU. MY HUSBAND DIE DUE TO COMPLICATIONS OF THE MASTURBATION SICKNESS AND LEAVE ME WITH $US 9,000,000 MILLIONS OF THE AMERICAN DOLLARS. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE A PERCENTAGE OF THAT WITH YOU FOR SAFE STORAGE OF THE FUNDS AND I WILL MASTURBATE YOU FOR YOUR TROUBLE. ALTHOUGH THAT MEANS ME AND YOU BOTH MAY DIE AS NIGERIAN MEDICAL EXPERTS HAVE TOLD.
Now, in fairness there are some reasonable people who aren’t complete fools or utter criminals in Nigeria. I think one is mentioned in this article. The rest reads like a 1950s marijuana pamphlet. Jerkin’ it KILLS! You will go INSANE! IT’S FINGERBANG MADNESS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Nonetheless, other dangers of masturbation as spelt out by medical experts include psychological guilt. A chance masturbator stands the risk of nervous-depressing permanent insanity, premature death, especially for those with high blood pressure, diabetes, blood diseases, inability to perform sexual act naturally, etc. Other dangers attached to masturbation sexes include inability to pull out of the act. It has even been documented to cause more deaths among boys in Europe than any plaque or war. Masturbation also results in total loss of sexual feelings and desire due to lack of sensation when it is time to actually engage in legitimate sexual intercourse. Quick, early or premature ejaculation is also one of the rewards of regular masturbation.
In girls, the breast development is arrested or retarded and the individual also stands the risk of experiencing spinal irritation resulting from epilepsy as a result of loss of seminal fluid in a male.
Oh dear. I sha’nt ever touch myself agai////damn. Good thing I can type with one hand.
Posted by JimK at 04:36 PM on June 29, 2007
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Categories: News, International Events, The Stupidity Of Man
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Comments:
#2 Posted by Christian 
on 06/29 at 10:28 PM -
Can we just nuke the whole focken continent from orbit? I mean, that is the only way to be sure stupidity like that doesn’t escape.
#3 Posted by Buzzion on 06/29 at 11:19 PM -
Don’t masterbate, get Aids instead! They’ll be dead soon. Ya I know, harsh, but doesn’t the African continent have something like 40 million HIV infected people.
#4 Posted by Janna on 07/02 at 04:03 PM -
So, if I masterbate, I will stop my breats from growing, have less sensation when having sex, have depression and end up killing myself is that correct?
Damn, then why have I had the complete OPPOSITE effect?
God, I really hope this is ONE ENTRY my mom actually does not read.
#5 Posted by JimK on 07/02 at 06:05 PM -
LOOK AWAY, MOM! LOOK AWAY!
Now, about this “growing breasts” thing… ;)
#6 Posted by Buzzion on 07/02 at 06:15 PM -
Yeah I don’t really care about your mom, however if you want to discuss all of that in greater detail, I am all ears.
#7 Posted by Janna on 07/03 at 04:27 PM -
Ok, actually the growing breats thing is from my kids. Each pregnancy my boobs grew and after delvery and breat feeding yada yada, i was able to keep some of the “enhancement”. When I graduated high school I was like barely a b cup.
After Damian, a full C, after Braedon a small D, and now after Riley a VERY full D to a DD. Heck, my nursing bra’s with him were an E!!! Wish I could have kept all of that LOL
I owe my boobs to my boys :-)
Now for the rest… HAHAHAHAHA more sensation, very happy after no depression, and really don’t feel like killing myself so there ya go.
#8 Posted by Zinger on 07/16 at 02:19 PM -
it is known as masturbation. A team of scientists in Australia recently found that 98 per cent of men engage in this sexual act,
Of course the study had a margin of error of 4%, so it could be that 102% of men masturbate.
If such a high percentage masturbate and there are all these ill effects of masturbation, shouldn’t society have collapsed long ago?
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Uhmm… ok. Is this the Nigerian version of The Onion or are they really serious? Don’t masterbate, get Aids instead! They’ll be dead soon. Ya I know, harsh, but doesn’t the African continent have something like 40 million HIV infected people.
Unreal