Sat, 24 Sep 2005 23:35:46
Scopes Trial II: Monkeys Fight Back
{begin anncr_voiceofgod}
{print “
In a world where creationists pretend that they aren’t being religious and violating the First Amendment, one man stands against the tide and learns the real meaning of life. If you see only one movie this fall, see Scopes 2, because this time… it’s evolutional.
“}
{end anncr_voiceofgod}
OK, enough with the movie schtick. No...No wait. One more movie thing. I wrote a kind of a script for the courtroom scene. And it goes a little something like this:
“Mr. Jones, you advocate Intelligent Design as the only explanation for life on Earth, is that correct?”
“Yes it is.”
“And you maintain to this court that Intelligent Design in not a religious concept but rather a new branch of scientific exploration, do you not?”
“Yes, that’s correct. It’s not creationism, but rather a new way of studying our origins through research and evidence.”
“Mr. Jones, did you take an oath here in this courtroom today?”
“Of course. You saw me.”
“And on what did you place your hand when taking that oath Mr. Jones?”
“The Holy Bible...you know that.”
“Do you believe in the Bible Mr. Jones?”
“OBJECTION! Your Honor, my client’s religious beliefs are personal and private and are not the subject of these proceedings.”
“Your Honor, if I may...the witness swore on a Christian Bible, which contains a story of how the world began. If you’ll permit one or two more questions the relevance will be clear even to my esteemed opposing counsel.”
“OK, I’ll allow it. Answer the question Mr. Jones.”
“Yes, I do believe in the Bible as the Word of God.”
“And the book of Genesis contains a story of creation, designed and planned by God, is that correct?”
“Of course.”
“Is God the designer implied in the phrase “Intelligent Design?”
“Not necessarily.”
“So you are calling God a liar then?”
“No..no, I...no, I’m not saying that at all.”
“Well, the book in which you just told this court you believe says God created the heavens and the earth. But you’re telling the court your theory of origin isn’t religious. There are three possibilities Mr. Jones. One: You are lying about Intelligent Design being a religious movement. Two: You don’t believe in the Bible and have committed perjury both by taking a false oath and by stating to this court that you take the Bible as the Word of God and believe in it, or three: You are saying that God is a liar and your theory of Intelligent Design is based on a higher form of life as yet unknown to mankind...perhaps aliens, Mr. Jones? Did aliens design the Earth?”
“Uhh...I...well...” *head explodes*
“The prosecution rests, Your Honor.”
Hat tip for the MSBNC link: Snarkbait
Posted by JimK at 11:35 PM on September 24, 2005
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Categories: News, The Federal Government, The Stupidity Of Man
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#2 Posted by JimK 
on 09/25 at 06:03 AM -
I hadn’t actually thought of making it a real bit...it seems like a visual thing. I can’t find the audio funny in it. hence my using it here. :)
#3 Posted by dalmatians on 09/25 at 08:40 AM -
This is pretty funny, and I’m a pagan who believes in intelligent design in a rather different way. Well done!
#4 Posted by Rann Aridorn on 09/25 at 06:08 PM -
He’d have a way out of it. These guys are better at double-talk than Democrats.
On one of my trips between Arlington and Tulsa, I’d hit that one area where there was seemingly not a single radio station that wasn’t religious. (How many Christian rock stations do you really NEED?) But I found one that sounded like a scientific report, which was certainly better.
Guy was talking about how, essentially, some scientists had been able to open up a stingray’s brain and put in microchips and stuff so that they could pretty much work it by remote control. And then this guy goes on to say that obviously this proves the existence of God, because God designed everything so well that even we mere mortals can figure out how to work it.
First, people that are always out to “prove” God exists earn some measure of pity and disgust, because while it might be nice to know, that’s not faith. They’re essentially saying that their faith needs to be backed up, so they can shove it on others.
But more, it shows you how they’ll always have a backup. Since they tried to control the stingray’s brain and it worked, it’s proof that God designed it, because how could you get something so orderly otherwise? If they’d tried it and it HADN’T worked, it would have been proof that God designed it, because obviously we mere mortals cannot fathom God’s creations. Either way, it’s proof God made it, mm-hmm!
#5 Posted by ironmaiden on 09/26 at 03:20 PM -
Very clever, Jim, but I still believe in a higher being.
#6 Posted by Rann Aridorn on 09/26 at 05:06 PM -
That’s the point, ironmaiden… you don’t have to be an atheist to believe in evolution, unless you’re being a jackass on one side or the other. Faith is called “faith” for a reason… if you start teaching it as science, it’s not faith anymore, that’s trying to make it fact.
To geek out here, and quote Constantine:
“What are you talking about?! I believe!”
“No, John, you -know-. Knowing and believing are two different things.”
#7 Posted by JimK on 09/26 at 10:57 PM -
Very clever, Jim, but I still believe in a higher being.
I don’t begrudge you that faith in any way. What ticks me off, though, is people who are trying to supplant science with religious doctrine. What ticks me off even more is that the most vocal ID proponents will lie straight to your face and say it’s not religiously motivated. That’s what inspired this, not my general distrust of organized religion in general. :)
#8 Posted by Drumwaster on 09/26 at 11:31 PM -
Logic is a bouquet of pretty flowers that smell bad.
#9 Posted by ironmaiden on 09/27 at 05:10 PM -
Drumwaster, Where is that quote from? I liked it by the way. The problem I have is that Evolution is still a theory. It is proven in some ways...we all evolve in our own sphere. But what has not been proven, and has actually been debunked is that we all evolved from lower life forms. That is NOT a fact, but is being taught as fact. Some scientists have actually proven the opposite. We could not have evolved as a life form as is being taught in classrooms. I will try to get some corroborating info to for you.
#10 Posted by Sean Galbraith 
on 09/27 at 05:56 PM -
Evolution is a theory the way gravity is a theory.
#11 Posted by Rann Aridorn on 09/27 at 06:36 PM -
I will try to get some corroborating info to for you.
I can virtually assure you you’re not going to find it outside of theologically-biased sources or those trying to advocate supposedly non-theological intelligent design.
#12 Posted by Drumwaster on 09/27 at 07:30 PM -
Drumwaster, Where is that quote from?
From one of the original Star Trek episodes with Harcourt Fenton Mudd, where they had all of the androids that looked human who would fulfill everyone’s desires, except for letting them leave the planet.
The head android is seeing all of the humans act in totally abnormal ways and he asks Spock for an explanation.
That quote is his reply.
The problem I have is that Evolution is still a theory.
You are making the same mistake that most religionists do when they hear the word “theory” and think back to those old cops and robbers shows when the captain would rap out, “Wot’s yer theory o’ da crime”, and the poor beat cops would spell out how they thought the crime went down.
That isn’t what the word “Theory” means to scientists.
There are several levels of certainty given to scientific data. Just as the police discount eyewitness testimony that conflicts with the physical evidence, scientists have certain minimums that allow them to describe how firmly founded their ideas are.
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#1 Posted by Drumwaster
on 09/25 at 03:45 AM -
You need a voice-over, there, Chief?