Rock Of Love Week 8 - Superfan Challenge or “Here’s some other whores I have banged”

Douche Douchey douchebag.  Then douche douched the douche, and Douche went “Oh my douche, can you douche that?” Now that that is out of the way, here’s this week’s bonus content: a page with whores from the show giving advice.  You’re welcome.

Also, Bret Michaels is a douchebag.  Time for another week of Rock of Love!

First off, a glossary of the whores that are left:

Bret Michaels: Douchey, Douchebag, and all form of the word “Douche.”
Heather: Stripper Showmytits.
Lacey: Red Sonja
Jes: Punky Brewster.
Sam: Alternachick.
Brandi M. (or BB as they call her): Sturgess.  Also a porn queen if you like that sort of in-bred, white trash biker queen look. (NSFW)

And so we begin.

- Once again, the recap is about Lacey’s bullshit.  Think the producers love her?  Also a bit of Sam’s “sensitivity” which is actually crazy in a different form.

- We start with another winning shot of Stripper ShowMyTits looking so good in the morning.

- A note from Bret laying out the fan challenge thing. Jes: “We’re meeting some of Bret’s fans, and, I can’t help but think that they’re gonna be some...big-haired...80s girls...that look like...Heather!” (montage of heather’s big awful hair on the show.) “Eww!”

You know what’s funny about that?  Heather was Jes’ age in the 80s.  :)

- Punky tells Alterna that it’s a good thing to bring insiders in the house to talk to Lacey...then they can go back to Bret and tell him what a “fuckin’ fruit loop this chick is.” True that.  More cursing about what a cunty whore fucking trash bag bottom ho Lacey is and cut to…

- The Douchebag enters.  “Today I have the most important subjeck (sic) of all for me, and that is passion.” Subjeck?  Bret Michaels doesn’t have a speech impediment.  Unless you count his intelligence.  Which I suppose does count if we’re being technical.  Anyway, he’s bringing in three chicks he’s “known a long time” (read: fucked and actually saved their numbers) to grill the “ladies.”

- “John?  Bring down my fans.” The way he said that...pure douche.  I feel like I was slimed, Nickelodeon style, by a big bucket of douche-juice.  Which would be awesome if I were a vagina, or a salad.  But I’m not, so it makes me hate Bret Michaels.  The superfans enter.

Amy
- 10 year Poison fan. 
-Still sleeps in first t-shirt Bret threw her

Ky
- 5 year poison fan (WTF?  I have Poison MP3s that are older than that.  How the fuck are these superfans?)
- Named her cat Poison

Allison
- 4 year Poison fan
- Threw rowdy fan off tour bus

Not ONE of these chicks were fans when Poison was a charting band.  All of them are just barely attractive enough to call “average” and all of them are right in that zone where you just *know* Bret fucked them.  They’re bar whores.  These aren’t fans, these are his regular booty calls.  Sad and pathetic.

- Sturgess (in confessional): “My first impression of these girls is...bitch, bitch and bitch.” Oddly that’s mine as well.  Sam’s intimidated.  JUST LEAVE ALREADY.  And the cutting remark of the moment goes to Punky: “Could there be anymore sluts in this house?” Yeah.  Brandi C. could still be here. 

- To bring it down for a minute, one cannot see this forest of whores Douchebag Michaels has cultivated and not immediately realize that all the trees allow for easy access to their knotholes.  If you get my meaning.  What I am saying is Jes should not want anything to do with this guy, and it’s a little sad that she seems to be genuinely liking Bret.  Because, as we all know, he is a douchebag.

- Douchebag says that these superfans have been around him a long time.  Really?  4 years is a long time?  I’ve had Amazon.com boxes in my dining room for longer than that.  There is a Christmas decoration hanging over the sink in my kitchen that has been there since 2001.  Should I ask it to give be life advice?  Where on earth is a whore you fucked four years ago the go-to person for relationship advice?  Oh wait...in Doucheland, where logic and reason, and decency, are in short supply but the douche goes on and on.

Winner gets a “kickass” solo date.  Every date is “kickass.” I guess I would think that would be true if they were all comped...still I’d try to vary the adjective at least once.  You know, to lessen the douche factor.

- Lacey manages to be cocky and cunty, and is convinced she has this locked as she is “the queen of intimidation.” Go right ahead, Cunty.  Get all bold with these girls and watch how fast you don’t win the date.

- Douche retires to the Fortress of Douchitude, and the ladies are sent outside in the cold and rain while theywait to be questioned one at a time.  Sturgess is first.  The setup is some weird, cheap-ass, low-rent version of a film noir interrogation room, only they dressed the set from shit they found at Wal-Mart.  Plus, the room was lined with that shitty black room-dividing curtain stuff that anyone who has ever been backstage at any venue would recognize.  It’s as ubiquitous as those shitty black leather couches.

Ooh...scary!  If you’re in a low-budget porn.  The banker lamps add that special touch of class.  I bet they are touch-lamps.

- Sturgess is, like every stripper in the known worlds, “going to school” while she’s stripping.  Yeah.  Scratch a stripper, find a student.  meanwhile they all end up like Stripper ShowMyTits, 53 and still slingin’ cooch for doughnut money.  Who buys this shit?  Half the whores on this interrogation panel are probably stripping to “pay for school.”

Anyway, the “superfans” don’t buy her.  And in a weird double-you-tee-eff moment, one of the bootycall whores superfans leans in to another one and is all “I think her hair is smokin’.” Real aggressive interrogation technique you got there, Sipowicz.  Meanwhile Brandi ain’t sweatin’ these mouth-wipin’ whores...she’s a god-damned professional mouth-wiping whore, how can they scare her?

- Umm...they meant actually SMOKING, like on fucking fire.  Holy shit.  There’s a light above her head and it set her hair on fire.  Oh.  My.  God.  What production asshole put a hot light so close to that much Aqua-Net?  HELLO?  POISON?  Hair bands?  Anyone think about the massive amounts of Aqua-Net Pink getting used on this set?  It’s funny, but it’s also evidence of the piss-poor production of the show.

The Mouthwipers don’t like her and call her fake.  She’s the second least-fake chick on this show...Donna says the Mouthwipers are threatened.  I agree.  They need to tear her down because she;s just the kind of person Douche might pick...and then they won’t be getting that booty call and a couple hundred for the cab ride home.

Sturgess’ final words on the matter, in confessional: “Fuck.  You.  Bitches.”

- Alternachick is next.  They ask her if Bret has feelings for her, and when she takes the bait they start fucking with her.  To Sam’s credit she opened up and told them about her fears about ebing in the house.  So how do The Mouthwipers respond?  By asking her to fake an orgasm...because you “can’t disappoint the rock star in bed.” What the fuck?  Bret’s the kind of douchey, pathetic fuck that needs a woman to fake an orgasm?  yeah...not surprised.  I saw his sex tape.  Fucker never stops looking at himself long enough to even try to make a woman cum.  Douchebag.

Sam says no.  She actually adamantly refused.  Good for her.  They go hard after her emotional instability...and it works.  Because she’s half crazy and people can smell it on her.  Commercial.

- Back and we wrap up with Alterna.  She loses her shit when she joins Sturgess on the couch.  “I hate girls.  They’re all just evil bitches.” Preachin’ to the choir, sister.  I mean, not all women are evil bitches to each other...just almost fucking every one.  You can find exceptions.  Or so I’ve been told.

- Punky is next.  She knows nothing about Poison.  Is that a good or a bad thing?  On the one hand, she’s not here because she’s a big fan of the band and after the (limited) fame factor.  On the other hand, is that the only thing that made her sign up for this?  Who fucking knows.

Donna: Not only can i name the drummer in Poison, I can name at least one of the venereal diseases he has.” Holy fuck.  :)

They keep grilling Jes.  She admits to getting collagen lips, and the Mouthwiper in red says “I’m just gonna assume those are your real boobs.” Jes, in confessional: “Uhh, yeah ya stupid bitch, I wouldn’t buy boobs and get ‘em this fuckin’ small!” Classic.  “Are you a good kisser?” “Yes.” “Wanna pick one of us and show us?” Punky is NOT into doing this, but like any good attention whore, she’s willing to fake some light lesbianism to get attention...disappointing, ultimately.  It;d be better if she was, you know, into it.  Faking it on any level sucks a big one.  Mouthwiper Ky gets kissed and tells the other two that Jes is “into lip biting.” Ky seemed to enjoy it, so I guess good job Jes?

She starts dropping the bombs about Lacey, but as fast as that starts, it’s over and in walks the monument to stripping grandmothers everywhere, Heather.

- They grill Stripper about her goals, looking for a way out, etc.  Confessional: “So uncomfortable.  Why are we all being judged here?” Because you;re on a TV reality show?  One that is designed so that you can be judged and deemed worthy to date America’s premiere 80s doucherocker?  What the fuck did you think you were here for, knitting lessons?  Not just an aging stripper folks, but a rocket scientist as well.  Give it up for Heather!

“Do you care if any of us slept with Bret?” Gee, ya think?  Heather schmoozes her way into their good graces...they know she’s just another booty call.  By the way, the desperate bitch is all “I’m gonna get Bret tattooed on the back of my neck.” So that answers that question.  She leaves.

- Cunty McCuntfuck’s turn.  The Mouthwipers ask her to sing one of Bret’s songs, as she’s a musician you know.  She sings a terrible version of “Every Rose.” They laugh and Cunty’s confessional is all “You can’t break me.” Yeah...they can.  They ask her about her anger issues, and she says she doesn’t have any and that the other girls must have been talking shit.  Then in her confessional, she’s angrily declaring that “It kinda pisses me off.” I’m sure the cunty re-knob doesn’t even see the irony.

“I honestly don’t consider myself crazy and volatile.” “This really is starting to get to me now, everyone keeps saying that I’m crazy and I’m the opposite of that.”

Look.  When one person says something, blow it off.  When two or three people say a thing, it could easily be a plot by them.  When EVERY FUCKING PERSON WHO MEETS YOU SAYS YOU’RE CRAZY...BITCH, YOU IS CRAZY.  Take more of whatever meds you are on...because you are fucking looney tunes.

The Mouthwipers don’t believe a word of her.

- All finished and everyone meets in the living room for drinks and nibbles and Sam walks away.  Now...this is not remarkable, but it gives us a look at something that is spectacularly douche-tastic: There is one of Bret’s motorcycles parked in the fucking living room.

Let that soak in.  Then, as always, remember that Bret Michaels is a douchebag.  Also, Lacey is kissing Mouthwiper ass.

- The girls are all chatting, and Douchebag walks in.  This motherfucker said that “whassa goin awn” thing again. It;s worse than just saying it, though.  Here’s the conversation:

“They broke Sam.”
“Whassa” (interrupted)
“Yeah they broke her!” (laughter)
(Douchebag waits for an opening, then repeats his “line” “Whassa goin’ awn?” He fucking waited for a moment to drop it, because this guy really thinks it makes him sound cool.  I think he has “cool” and “reminiscent of Summer’s Eve” mixed up.  I swear to fucking God I hate him so much.  If given a choice between a painful beating or a video called “Three Hours of The Wisdom of Bret Michaels,” and the beating was going to be administered by Chuck Liddell, I think I’d have to flip a coin.

Anyway, Jes goes after her, and finds her in the bathroom talking about leaving.  She’s totally flipped out over the interrogation.  “I don’t deserve to be interrogated.” Uhh...crazy girl?  THAT’S THE POINT OF THE SHOW.  Punky is saying that she cares about Sam as a person, etc, but her confessional tells the truth.  she wants to keep her there so she has someone to talk to!  “Who the hell’m I gonna talk to?  Lacey?” Exactly.  Still...Sam should just go home.  Commercial

- Back, and we’re knee-deep in Alternachick’s internal turmoil, also known as “Crazy emotional psycho bitch.” Nice girl and all but she ain’t balanced.

- So Douche grabs The Mouthwipers and they go to discuss the whores.  Whore number one is BB.  We’re treated to her “Rock of Love VIP pass photo.  I think the only way to explain it is to show you:

Oh Come on!  How am I not supposed to make any “facials” jokes?  For fuck’s sake...it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.  Or jizz at Brandi M’s mouth, apparently.

They said that all Sturgess’ answers were “what we wanted to hear.” Bret of course has only this to offer: “She has a cute body, we love the body.” Deep, like a pane of glass, and just as transparent.  Hey, is there another way to say Bret Michaels is a douchebag?  Maybe in another language?  In French, it’s pretty basic: Bret Michaels est un douchebag.  In Greek it’s a little more interesting...Το Bret Michaels είναι ένα douchebag. In the end, though, I feel like it’s the German that has a ring of classicism to it: Bret Michaels ist ein douchebag.  Except this time ich bin NOT ein...it’s just Bret.

- On to Jes.  Her pass:

Actually not a bad photo.  So The Mouthwipers say she can “totally jump on a tour bus.  She;s golden.” What the frig does that even mean?

- Heather’s turn, and her pass:

Blonde Mouthwiper says she thinks that Stripper Grandma is “probably the greatest person here.” Fucking.  Hell.  It takes a mouthwiping whorebag to truly appreciate another mouthwiping whorebag, and we see that in action here.  Human jizz mops of the world, unite!  Middle Mouthwiper thinks that Stripper Grandma won’t be cool with Bret being “on the road and doing your thing.” One, that’s insane and totally ass backwards.  Heather wouldn’t care if Bret Michaels tried to fuck the entire Swedish Bikini Team.  Or in his case, the Cedar Falls Over 40 Trailer Park Bikini Team.  Secondly, when did a rock star being unfaithful and a total piece of shit while on tour get boiled down to “doing your thing?” Say it, whorebucket.  You think that Stripper Grandma Tits couldn’t handle Bret fucking around behind her back all the time.  Just say what you mean.

- Sam is next, and so is her pass photo:

Blonde Mouthwiper loves Alterna.  “I would be her best friend ‘til there’s no tomorrow.” She thinks that Sam has it.  Bret wants The Mouthwipers to try to talk Sam into staying.  So obviously the producers are feeding Bret with the fact that she;s five seconds from leaving again.

- As usual, they save Lacey for last.  It’s like they want us to realize the producers fucking love this evil whore.  Her pass:

It’s too bad she’s such a bitch.  She’s kind do-able, except the sight of her makes me want to grab a gun to protect myself and makes my balls shrink up like cold ocean water.  The Mouthwipers, with not one iota or millisecond of hesitation all say, virtually in unison, “No.” “No.” “No, She’s very wrong for you.” They can smell the mental illness a mile away.  See, the thing is, to be an A-list Mouthwiper you have to be a bit of a drama queen, but only enough to keep his interest...sort of like Sam, only a little bit less unstable (but not much).  You have to let the Big Bad Rocker want to care for you, not make him worry that you are going to cut his nuts off while he sleeps.  Lacey is a crazyevilcuntbitch, and everyone knows it.  Except Bret.  “I just dig her personality.” Wow.  They must pay well on this show.  Or he’s a total tool.  We’re done.

Douchebag walk into the living room and declares his name for when it’s just four: Fearsome Foursome.  Douche.  Bag.  They’re looking for Alterna.  She’s packing.  They’re talking about who will win, it came down to Jes and Heather.

- Winner of the superfan challenge - Heather.  I guess she gets that tattoo tonight.  “Even Bret’s fans can see that I’m the best woman for him.” Yeah...you are.  Kinda homely, a little older, no other band guys on the big hair metal summer tour will pay much attention or try to get you in bed, plus you’re dumb, with low self-esteem.  You’re fucking perfect for Douche Michaels!

- Douche is excited that they picked Heather...and “I know exactly where we’re going.” of course you do, the producers comped a location already and have cameras waiting for you.  You fucking dickweed.  They leave, and the old booty-call whores superfans stay back to mix with the new booty call whores contestants and try to dig up some info.

- The date: off to get tattoos.  And Douche is all “It’s gotta be olde e.” As in Olde English lettering.  He’s totally going to talk this whore into getting a fucking cholo tat the back of her neck.  Sorry Pod and all the other old Nine Inch Nails crew, but cholo tats are fucking ridiculous.  On anyone, but especially on white people who aren’t in a Hispanic gang.

- Back at the house and the ladies are sitting around talking, drinking and basically being chatty, when Blonde Mouthwiper takes Red Cuntya into the house.  Punky sees this as her chance to exact some revenge...the talk turns to what a royal bitch Lacey is.  She’s laying it down for Ky, who has a fairly impressive rack, BTW...which is probably her only selling point.  As she’s telling this crap to Ky, Red Cuntya comes back. Ky: “She’s coming.” Jes: “See, she ruins every moment!” Ky: “I know!  Seriously!” Damn, The Mouthwipers have been there for an afternoon and they already get it.  Confessional: “You know, I really like Bret’s fans.  They’re a lot of fun, and...they hate Lacey!”

- Blonde Mouthwiper is really after Lacey and keeps nailing her on her lack of caring about Bret...they see she;s playing this as a game and only cares about winning.  Red Cuntya is scared...she feels like she’s “had control of the house” but is losing it now.  GOOD.  Now if you could just contract a painful disease or get hit by a meteor we could all feel like there was justice in the world.  A freak accident, captured on film, that kills this bitch could be the thing that unites this country again.  Right and left, black and white, rich and poor, Republican and Democrat, we could all sit around a giant fire holding hands and singing ‘Ding dong, the cunt is dead” And afterwards roast her corpse on the fire and feed it to some homeless cats or something

Cut to the next shot, two of the old booty-call whores mouthwiping jizzrags sorry, superfans, and Ky is all “I just have to escape from Lacey.” Welcome to our hell, Ky.  It’s like being John Connor.  Lacey is a Cuntinator that will never stop until you’re all dead.  The other one is all “She’s just feeding us lines.”

- Now they’re going to go after Sam and try to convince her to stay.  “All the girls come into my room.  All of them. Even the three bitches.” What she doesn’t know is these three bitches are so on her side it’s ridiculous.  Her unstable emotional crazy is about to get in the way of her life again.

- Everyone talks her into staying and Lacey is all “I decide to go along with it, it’s only gonna make me look better in front of the fans.” Too late, Cuntya.  Everyone has your number.

The Mouthwipers tell the girls that they have it narrowed down to two that they think are wrong for Bret - Lacey and Brandi.  Red Cuntya The PETA Warrior looks like someone just forced a frozen beef dildo up her ass, and Sturgess could not give a rat’s ass what these bitches think.  The girls and the fans head downstairs.

- Cut to the date.  Douche and Grandma are at True Tattoos.  If you’re a sad, pathetic old stripper who wants some unscrupulous tattoo artist who won’t try to talk you out of permanently inking some fucking guy’s name onto your neck because a reality show paid him, it’s at 165 S Crescent Heights Boulevard in Los Angeles.  Ask for Albert Sgambatti.  He’s done all the greats.  Bret Michaels, Marilyn Manson...Mickey Rourke.  Do any of them have any good tattoos?

“If Heather actually goes through with this, it’ll impress the shit outta me.  I mean, this is a tattoo for life.” Which is EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE GOADING HER INTO DOING IT, DOUCHEBAG.

She’s doing it.  Says a lot about Bret.  Commercial.

- Back.  Still at the tattoo parlor.  They did it.  The whole time Douchebag is espousing the closeness of the moment and the eroticism of getting inked.  The thing is, this is not a girlfriend or a partner.  It;s one of five whores vying for the “right” to regularly suck his dick, and he just essentially goaded this half-drunk bitch into getting his name tattooed on her neck!  His fucking name!  Jesus.  If nothing else on this show has ever been evidence that he’s not a good guy, but rather just a selfish, egotistic misogynist, this should seal it for anyone, even his most die-hard fans.  Sorry Donna and Danielle, but Bret Michaels is not a good person.  He’s a 100% selfish prick.  And, of course, a douchebag.

Bret’s so fucking into it.  And she’s thrilled.  It’s like Dumb and Dumber personified.  She’s completely and totally got this thing won though, so good for her I suppose.  Lastly: nice neck zit, Grandma.

- Back at the house. The Mouthwipers are grilling Sturgess and Red Cuntya.  “Tell me why you should stay.” Brandi: “Deep down my heart is involved and I feel that hers (meaning Lacey) isn’t a 100%.” Completely true.  Red replies with “I really really care about Bret.” No one is buying what you’re selling, Cuntinator.

- Jump upstairs and Punky is still trying to sell Alterna on staying.  They’re both saying they’re afraid of getting hurt.  Jesus.  That’s all that is going to happen to you both, as you both actually seem like this matters to you.  RUN.  AWAY.  Old Granma Stripwhore has this shit on lockdown, girls.  Plus, there’s the stable of mouthwipers that you just met.  You really want to be in fourth place on his “pussy on tap” list?  RUN AWAY.  Anyway, Sam is staying again.  They go downstairs, and Lacey is trying to sell The Mouthwipers on her “warmth and compassion.” Yeah...for nameless, faceless hordes of animals that you never have to deal with maybe, but you’re a cold-hearted, manipulative cuntbag toward, you know, every human in the free world.

Blonde Mouthwiper - “Tell me something heartfelt.” Confessional: “I’m fighting for my life here.” No you’re not, you’re trying to win a gameshow, you dumb bitch.  Stop acting like you’re being asked to clear houses in Haditha.

Anyway, she starts to cry.  It’s such a fucking act.  Jes is all over it in a confessional, doing a huge parody of Lacey pawing at her face while faking the tears.  Classic.  Interrogation number two is over.  Superfans are off to the Fortress of Douchitude to debate the fate of some unlucky (depending on your perspective) contestant.

- Back to the date: More of the same.  Douche is prattling on about how his name on her neck makes him feel.  So self-involved!  So Grandma shows it to the girls.  Punky flips a switch.

“What kind...of a dumb bitch...gets a guy’s name tattooed on her neck...for her first tattoo...and she not even technically dating him.  This bitch has lost her fucking mind!” Next thing we hear is from Heather: “I’m in love with the guy.” Holy crap.  Older strippers with debt and babies and shit will say and do anything to get out of the cubs won’t they?

- Douche meets with Superwhores.  He’s down on Brandi and Sam, but the Superfans are saying get rid of Lacey.  In a confessional Douche is acting like it;s a burden, like “How could they say this.”

You know what?  I saw “Letters From Death Row.” He’s not that good an actor.  In fact he’s a fucking terrible actor.  I’ve seen painted backdrops that told better stories.  So I’m now starting to think that this stupid fucker actually does like Lacey.  Maybe she’s not just a trick of production, maybe this dumb fucker prefers her to an emotionally crazy-but-devoted sweetheart or a fun, doesn’t-give-a-fuck blow job queen that is proud of it.

I think you know what is coming next.  His name, plus a certain product used to dispense a freshening cleanser into the vaginal area.  Some assembly required.  He’s off to “consider my fan’s advice” and “consult my own feelings.” Jesus H. Douchebag.  Commercial.

- Back, and this is it, the final stretch.  Elimination time.  Jes is confident.  Sam says she doesn’t want to be here but she does want to be with him.  Lacey;s all pissed that the other girls have won.  It;s never about him, just about her winning.

- Bret looks like a normal fucking dude for once.  Well, except for the ever-present bandanna.  Just a black jacket and jeans instead of some special “Look, I saved all my old clothes from the 1987 tour” outfit.

- He prefaces it by saying he doesn’t to hurt anyone.  He also stresses that the superfans helped but ultimately the decision is his.  I think he’s trying to prepare Sam for going home with that kind of talk.

- Heather gets the first pass.  What. A. Surprise.  He talks about his name again.  Jes thinks that Heather will regret that tat.  No she won’t.  It’s her ticket out of the clubs and out of Vegas.  Speaking of Jes, she gets the next pass.  Brandi gets the next one.  She turned the superfans around, apparently.  Once again, it’s down to Sam and Lacey.  Douche calls Lacey down.  Told ya.  He even fucking apologized to her for “what she went through today.” Damn.  He sent Sam home.  Guess our source got it wrong...and so did Bret.

He’s giving her the “it’s for your own good” speech.  She’s going like a champ though, she makes out with him in front of all the remaining whores and they’re all “OH!  YOU BITCH!” I gotta give it to her.  If you’re gonna go, that’s one way to do it.  Heather is shooting daggers at the back of her head.  Lacey started crying back when she got her pass but they cut it in here like she gives a fuck who Douche is kissing.

Brandi: “I’m seeing Lacey bawling like a little fucking baby and I’m just thinking Bravo, where’s her fucking oscar?” I get that.  Only I think these tears are half real - she’s crying with relief that none of you beat her yet.  This is all she has.  She can’t lose to you bitches.  She needs this to feel...anything, I guess.  If she wasn’t such a horrible example of everything that can go wrong with a bitch, competitive woman she’d almost be something you could pity.  Instead, she’s something I’d like to see get flattened by a steamroller Bugs Bunny style.  SPLAT!

- Next week: they go to Vegas and one of Douchey’s shows.  Whereupon Lacey gets ripped and crawls across a bar - breaking glass all over the place - Heather and Bret get closer, Brandi gets shitfaced and says “Bret Michaels is not the one for me” and something goes down at elimination

I spent my high school career,
spit on and shoved to agree,
so I can watch all my heroes
sell a car on TV.
Bring out the old guillotine,
we’ll show ‘em what we all mean.

This show makes me think of that lyric from My Chemical Romance’s “Disenchanted.” Other generations have complained about how their musical heroes eventually sell out and sell cars, Microsoft software, whatever.  Well...I’m not young exactly, but I’m too young to really care about most of the sellout classic rockers...but metal is my shit.  Bret Michaels was one of mine.  Every time people my age laughed it off when someone older than us bemoaned David Bowie or the Stones or Lou Reed selling another song to someone?  We’re them and they’re us.

See you next week for more drunken whores...more sarcastic sniping at douche philosophy and more Bret Michaels.

Posted by JimK at 08:31 PM on September 02, 2007
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Categories: Television,  Rock Of Love
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