Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:26:00
Paris Hilton ordered back to jail
Schadenfreude is a German word meaning ‘pleasure taken from someone else’s misfortune’.
I am become schadenfreude. Paris Hilton was released by the Shriff because she couldn’t “emotionally handle” being incarcerated. Hey, guess what? DON’T DRIVE DRUNK, YOU MONUMENTALLY STUPID AIRBAG. And when your license is suspended for DUI, don’t keep driving. Especially drunk. Again.
Drunk driving is one of the dumbest and most selfish crimes not only because of the risks to others on the road, but because it’s so damned preventable. It’s 100% a crime of personal responsibility. In any major city in this country, you cannot say circumstances forced you to drive home, or to the store for chips, or to the next club. Call. A. Cab. Hire a driver if you’re a megabajillionaire. Drunk driving kills people for absolutely no good reason other than the drunk is a selfish, uncaring ass. I loved my uncle, and some ditz who thought she was “OK to drive” killed him. I have a zero tolerance policy for drunk driving or DUI of any kind.
Anyway, she freaked out in jail. Aww...poor widdle baby did no wikey da prisons? Cry me a river. Oh wait...she did exactly that. Check out this shot of her in the back of the cop car:
She’s been ordered by the original sentencing judge to do the entire 45 days with credit for 5 already served.
Schadenfreude. I hope that feeling is seared into the peanut that passes for this moron’s brain. I hope she cries for the entire 45 god-damned days. Maybe then she’ll stop driving around LA drunk.
You know why this was important? Yes, it’s Paris Hilton, and she’s a waste of air. Her entire life exists to be the punchline to millions of jokes a week. But this was a real, legal case here, and it would have set a dangerous precedent. One, it would allow any non-violent inmate to get commuted to house arrest because prison was “too hard.” Two, it establishes a clear precedent of blatantly favoring rich white girls over say, poor black males who have never, to anyone’s knowledge, received this kind of consideration for their mental well-being in the LA County jail system.
This was not only unfair, it was a long series of lawsuits waiting to happen. All in all, it was a good decision by the DA to pursue it and a great decision by the judge to cut off the celebrity special treatment. Plus, I mean...schadenfreude.
That will never get old. I love that the system worked.
As I post this, the situation is literally being treated as breaking news. Paris is potentially so upset that she’s been taken to USC Medical Center. Or she’s at the Twin Towers jail facility. Or she’s flying under her own wing power to the moon to escape the evil bad men who want to force her to pay her debt to society. One of those three has to be true, but with Paris Hilton, good luck figuring out which one. It’s also reported that she had to be carried/dragged out of the courtroom and she was screaming and cryng for her mother.
Hey...that’s terrible, Paris. I’m sure you’re terribly upset. Get it out of your system, then calm the hell down and realize that you’re an adult, you did something wrong and pay for it. The world is not here for the care and comfort and amusement of Paris Hilton. Shut up, do the time and learn from your mistake. You could have killed someone and not even realized it. You’re doing 45 days in a protected wing of a county jail. You could have been doing a lot of years in gen-pop in a state prison if you’d accidentally ran someone down while choosing to drive drunk. Suck it up and deal with it like an adult.
Posted by JimK at 04:26 PM on June 08, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment, Celebridiots, News, Crime and Criminals
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Comments:
#2 Posted by Buzzion 
on 06/08 at 07:12 PM -
Didn’t her getting released pretty much piss off EVERYONE except the fucking sheriff who sent her home? Anyone calling for an investigation into that guys bank accounts to see if he received any large influxes of cash?
#3 Posted by Yahonza on 06/08 at 09:06 PM -
You are so right, Buzzion. Notice how she didn’t cry and scream the first time she went into prison....why so different this time? I think the fix was in and she knew it when she first went in. She though her money was going to let her stay in her posh residence. Her defense lawyer cooked up a scheme where all she had to do was refuse to eat and act depressed, call in her private psych and “urge” the sheriff to commute her sentence. It was a done deal.
But she got greedy. If she even waited a week this scheme would have had a better chance of succeeding. But no one believes that she had a legit medical issue after a day and a half or whatever it was.
#4 Posted by Orpheus 
on 06/08 at 11:46 PM -
Buzzion: Money’s too easy to trace. I wonder if he was paid some other way… Oh well, no doubt the video will come out eventually if that was the case.
JimK: Your gen-pop comment made me think “Paris Hilton guest starring on Oz”. Who wouldn’t like to see her as Schillinger’s bitch (or Adebisi’s).
#6 Posted by Drumwaster on 06/09 at 01:08 AM -
But no one believes that she had a legit medical issue after a day and a half or whatever it was.
Not after having been seen giving interviews at the MTV Movie Awards Red Carpet Procession. Jesus, though. I could probably do a nickel of house arrest in that 25-room, million-dollar cottage…
“Gee, Domino’s, you guys were five minutes late yesterday. Let’s not let that happen again, or I’m going to pitch a fit, a’ight? And have Julio stop at the liquor store on his way over - we’re almost out of margaritas...”
#7 Posted by Technomad on 06/09 at 04:28 AM -
I’m kind of torn, I admit it. On the one hand, Paris Hilton strikes me as the Platonic ideal of “dumb blonde,” being too stupid to avoid driving while legally “intoxicated,” even though she could hire a 24-hour-a-day chauffeur and never even miss the money. So seeing her bump up against reality doesn’t bother me.
On the other hand, I’m irritated at the way that MADD and the insurance industry have busily kept defining driving drunk driving down. Time was when .08 was perfectly legal. Kind of like how they bait-and-switched us into the seatbelt laws by saying, cross their hearts and hope to die, failing to buckle up would not, in itself, ever be a cause to get pulled over and ticketed in and of itself. Next thing you know, they’ve re-written the rules, and if you’re driving perfectly safely but with the seatbelt off, it’s ticket time!
I could make a good case that, instead of blood alcohol content, they should test for impairment. Driving perfectly sober, but so tired that you’re literally seeing things, does not strike me as a big improvement over a BAC of .08%.
#8 Posted by Orpheus on 06/09 at 08:39 AM -
I could make a good case that, instead of blood alcohol content, they should test for impairment. Driving perfectly sober, but so tired that you’re literally seeing things, does not strike me as a big improvement over a BAC of .08%.
That’s true, but blood alcohol is a good measure of alcohol-induced impairment. The limit here is .05%, by the way. It’s not a big deal - you shouldn’t be drinking and driving anyway, and quibbling over the limits is silly. The right to drink and drive is not one I consider inalienable.
#9 Posted by Drumwaster on 06/09 at 11:57 PM -
I could make a good case that, instead of blood alcohol content, they should test for impairment.
That would disqualify about half of the drivers out here…
#10 Posted by Orpheus on 06/10 at 12:27 AM -
But Drumwaster, according to a recent survey by the Institute of Statistical Creativity, 99.9% of drivers think that they are above average or well above average drivers!
#11 Posted by Drumwaster on 06/10 at 03:02 AM -
This area is commonly referred to as “God’s Waiting Room”, with more senior citizens per capita than any other place west of the Mississippi.
#12 Posted by Orpheus on 06/11 at 12:30 PM -
JimK: Regarding your second photo… http://agylen.com/2007/06/11/35-years/
#13 Posted by Buzzion on 06/11 at 12:53 PM -
Granddaddy Hilton has given money to the sheriff for his election campaigns apparently.
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#1 Posted by ignorant-american
on 06/08 at 06:10 PM -
I’m personally very satisfied that Paris is going to jail. I can say that I was never a fan of hers, and was one of the few heterosexual males I know of who said she wasn’t hot while everyone else around me was salivating over her seemingly vaseline-drenched body and that disgusting fake smile.
Deal with it sweetie. The only person I would feel sorry for would be someone who would have ended up getting killed or horribly disfigured from your careless drunk driving. See what happened to Anna Nicole? That’s your future, honey. Maybe this is a time for you to rethink how you act and realize the world isn’t here for your happiness. Or, you can continue your path and have a miserable life before you end up in Hell, sucking Satan’s dick… now “that’s hot!”