silly… it’s not that he doesn’t use the bathroom… he just skips a day every 18 months.

in other news, where the fuck are the photos, bitch?

er…

hi :)

Here are mine:

You can’t pwn Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer owns the letters P, W, and N, and won’t let you use them for pwnage without his permission.

If you draw the Right Arm of Jack Bauer, Left Arm of Jack Bauer, Right Leg of Jack Bauer, Left Leg of Jack Bauer, and the Head of Jack Bauer, you automatically win.

Jack Bauer IS the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny. And he still won.

Jack Bauer is filled with more turtle meat than Gamera. And his turtle meat is longer, harder, and uncut.

If Jack Bauer were a giant monster, he’d stomp on the Middle East instead of Tokyo, and it’d stay stomped.

Jack Bauer was born in a ranch-style home he built himself out of being manly.

If Jack Bauer was a furry, his drama would be better than Shakespeare’s.

Jack Bauer is faster than Sonic the Hedgehog and the Flash combined… but he isn’t purple.

The devil is more scared of Jack Bauer than he is of John Constantine.

The Justice League’s new lineup is Jack Bauer. -Just- Jack Bauer.

To Jack Bauer, eating, sleeping, and breathing are just luxuries he can’t afford time for while he’s busy serving his country.

Jack Bauer’s d20s only have 20s on them. Not because he cheats, but just because that’s how he rolls.

The French surrendered to Jack Bauer because he got a bad croissant.

Jack Bauer played World of Warcraft. He beat it.

Jesus wears a little crucified Jack Bauer on a chain around his neck.

Jack Bauer didn’t have to catch ‘em all, he just set out the Pokeballs and the Pokemon lined up to get in.

Jack Bauer once put panties on a terrorist’s head. Then killed him with them.

A snake once bit Jack Bauer. After three days of intense, blinding pain… the snake died.

Jack Bauer would never come home and trip over the ottoman. Jack Bauer’s so badass the furniture gets out of his way.

There is no terrorist threat to America, because there is a Jack Bauer threat to the Middle East.

Jack Bauer has built-in wi-fi capability and runs on the latest Pentium chip.

Jack Bauer’s toast doesn’t land butter-side-down. Jack Bauer never drops his fucking toast.

Jack Bauer is the best Star Trek captain, even if he did live before warp drive and on an entirely different network.

In Soviet Russia, terrorists STILL don’t kill Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer plays Wolfenstein 3D, actual Nazis die.

The Middle East has an alert color code system, too. It goes green, blue, yellow, orange, red, and Jack Bauer.

Son Goku declined a match with Jack Bauer. He loves a fight, but he’s not THAT dumb.

Jack Bauer got an honorary degree from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft for his spell “Terrorist Morte”.

Jack Bauer would bleed red, white, and blue, but he never bleeds.

Jack Bauer kills terrorists dead, guaranteed. If not entirely happy with Jack Bauer’s terrorist-slaying, please return the unused portions of terrorists to Jack Bauer. ... So he can kill them.

It took Eric Draven a year to rise from his grave to seek justice. Jack Bauer’s done it twice and it never takes him more than a day.

Osama bin Laden isn’t hiding from America. He’s hiding from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn’t need to defrag his hard drive. He just gives the computer a dirty look and everything gets its shit in order.