Britney and Paris - Two problems, one obvious solution

O.K., first there’s this nightmare of a story, in which Paris Hilton expresses desire to become a mother.

“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” the 25-year-old heiress announced, reports Life & Style Weekly. And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining: “I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”

Considering how many of those little dogs she;s lost or killed over the years, I fear for any child within 100 yards of her, but anyway...then we have this story, in which Page Six is claiming that LA DCFS wants to talk to Brit-Brit about her cooze-flashing, coke-snorting partying ways as of late:

BRITNEY Spears’ wild and crazy nights with new pals Paris Hilton and Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis have caught the eye not only of her concerned fans and the public - but also of the Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services.

A source close to the singer said, “The department has been calling Britney trying to set up a meeting with her, so they can check on [Spears’ baby sons Sean Preston and Jaden James]. The calls started after this recent bout of bizarre public behavior.”

Aside from the fact that the kids are in no way involved with Britney’s partying and the reality is she’s been photographed a couple of times over two weeks - just after breaking up with her husband - let’s say DCFS is into the idea of at least considering the act of taking Britney’s kids.  The solution is obvious.

Give them to Paris Hilton.  It’s not like she could screw them up any worse.  Although I suppose they will have a few extra sexually transmitted diseases.  I highly suspect that anyone who rides in a car with Paris catches one or two.  She’s like the Typhoid Mary of STDs, only in this century every one of her strains is antibiotic and antiviral resistant.  She’s like a mutant super-STD.  She’s Captain Trips.

Posted by JimK at 04:49 PM on December 06, 2006
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Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
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