Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:42:00
American Idol - The top 8 perform
Without even watching this week’s show yet, here’s our predictions: Phil Stacey, regardless of how he does, goes out this week. Haley Scarnato next week. Donna says Sanjaya the week after that because they have been doing a boy-girl-boy-girl elimination pattern for 3 years now, but I say Sangina stays and makes the top 5, “beating” a singer he has no business being in the same room with. Then he gets magically eliminated leaving Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha and Blake as the top 4.
This week’s theme is “Latin Night” and J-Lo is ‘roun the way from the block or whatever. How exciting. A bitch that can’t fucking sing without Pro Tools and an entourage behind her...this oughtta be so compelling.
- The montage shows all sorts of clips of J-Lo’s videos, and not a one of them contained a vocal that wasn’t doubled, tripled or quadrupled. She really suffers from Paula Abdul syndrome. She seems nice though, and her advice to the group was pretty good - it’s not about hitting the high note, it;’s about making the audience feel good.
- Melinda Doolittle - Up first with Sway. J-Lo advised Shrek to be sexy. Heh...OK, I’ll be nice. If she acts sexy I’ll be fair and say so, even though she fucking looks like fucking Shrek and I don’t want to fucking fuck Shrek ever. EVER. ;)
She’s singing great, but she looks like she is so, so, so uncomfortable trying to be all sexy and slinky. It’s in her voice...vocally she’s projecting slink if you close your eyes. Unfortunately she’s scared shitless when you open them. A very controlled, subdued delivery until that last note just to remind you she;s melinda. Not her best performance, but another good vocal.
Randy: “Another solid performance, I don’t know if it was your best.”
Paula: “Very sultry, smooth, you look lovely, subtle” Yeah, not sexy but I agree with the subtle.
Simon: “It had to happen Melinda: I didn’t like it.” :) “That song is all about personality, and you appeared much older than you are.” “Lounge, cabaret” “A bit lazy a little wooden.” Maybe in the physical performance, but not in the vocal.
Melinda: “I’m happy, because he really wanted to say something bad, and I’m glad he got the chance!” Gold star for her reaction.
- Lakisha Jones - Conga. Miami fucking Sound Machine, with Estefan’s rapid-fire delivery? With that lisp? No. LaKisha is, as Donna just said, signing her death warrant with this song.
OH MY GOD THOSE HUGE FUNBAGS ARE GONNA GET YA! Is that how she plans to get votes? Ouch...this is flat and dead and just weird. It reminds me of watching one of those karaoke scenes on Ally McBeal. Just not good enough. The band sucked too.
Randy: “You came out you were having a good time” That was hot.” What are you deaf? It was dead.
Paula: “I didn’t feel it as much as Randy did I felt it was a really safe laKisha” Wow. Paula with the insight…
Simon: Simon asked if LaKisha agreed with Paula and she didn’t. Simon does. “You were having fun, I’m not sure how the people at home were.” “It was a very safe song...” Randy interrupts and says that she was dancing and moving around, to which Simon replies “Yeah, but the dancing wasn’t very good!” No, no it wasn’t.
- Chris Richardson - Santana’s Smooth. J-Lo had him take it up a whole octave which puts him precisely and exactly in Timberlake’s wheelhouse. Timberfake in the hizzle, mah nizzles! Can I get a pound on that shit, dogs?
Oh god...this band trying to replicate Santana’s stage vibe is like eating ice cream made of ape jism. Not that I have ever eaten ice cream made of ape jism. Not that you can prove, so piss off. Speaking of pissing off, Santana is probably pissed off at Chris for butchering this song. If he took it, dipped it in bleach, rolled it in white flour and sprayed it with white paint he could not have de-latin-ified that song any more. I hated that. Worst of the night so far. Flat, sharp, out of tune, bad runs, mush-mouth...there wasn’t a single thing about that performance I liked except the fact that it eventually ended.
Randy: “Very very cool” Feh
Paula: “Hot hot performance”
Simon: “Not the best vocal but I preferred it to the first two” Holy shit. Oh well...maybe it sounds different to them in the building.
- Haley Scarnato - Will she get her girls out again, or flash the gams? Turn The Beat Around. Uhh...she’s young, and she’ll dress the part, but she doesn’t have enough life in her, enough joy to do this song justice. They brought Blake in to beatbox during rehearsal so Haley could keep time. Too funny.
Clothes: all leg, no tee-tas. Wait...black bra and see-through animal print with just a hint of the girls underneath. Performance? Well, I think I was 100% correct. She doesn’t have the joy and REAL liveliness. The background singers are singing with more passion. Shaking her business is NOT fooling me...sorry. Flat notes and terrible pacing...but the ass and titties might keep her alive again.
Randy: “That was really karaoke for me tonight, sorry”
Paula: “I think you had fun up there”
Simon: “I think you have a very good tactic at the moment, Haley; wear the least amount of clothes possible” Heh...that;s her whole gimmick. He told her she has ZERO chance to win based on her voice. Troof. She got smacked with the clubat once again.
- Phil Stacey - Santana’s Maria Maria. Prediction - it will be exactly the same as every single performance he’s ever done...start rough, bland in the middle, big bold finish that is really good but not good enough to erase the rest.
Go Go Gollum! Prove me wrong! And stop wearing stupid hats! We all know yo have a big head and jug ears! Performance - smooth start, bland but not rough like it usually is. Boring as hell halfway through. I should play this back when I can’t sleep later tonight, i bet it would put me right out...and once again, at the very end he opens it up and it;s still dead until the Last. Freaking. Note. It was the only soulful, emotional note in the whole performance. Weak. As. Water.
Randy: “I don’t know if it was your best performance” “it was kinda boring.”
Paula: “Good vocal except the end” Whatever.
Simon: “I found no originality” “lifeless” “Nothing to get positive or excited about, sorry.” Yep.
- Jordin Sparks - She gets a question, and I was going to make a comment here but then she destroys what I was going to say by reminding us she was born in December of 1989. OH MY GOD I AM AN OLD MAN. Screw it, I have no god-damned blogger code of conduct or morals, so I’m gonna say it anyway...she looks like just the kind of healthy young girl who could put it on you if you get what I mean, and in most states it would be legal.
She’s singing The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You. Does no one realize Latin music goes beyond Gloria Estafan/Miami Sound Machine and Santana?
OK...not a singer’s song, but she’s doing what no one else has - actually having fun and singing at the same time. She looks like she’s actually enjoying this as opposed to acting like she is. She’s tweaked the vocal enough that it’s hers...not bad. A little off at the end, arrangement-wise but not bad. Certainly puts her on the top two, maybe the top one of the night for all-around performance and vocal.
Randy: “You got it” Yo factor on blast
Paula: “you’re so authentic” Yeah but how did she SING?
Simon: “Nothing stunning” “I haven’t seen a progression tonight” I kind of agree, no one has really come out and showed that they were working hard and improved, everyone just sort of threw an easy lay-up so far. Reason? Sanjaya Malakar and obviously fixed eliminations. Why should they try? We all know the end result here. I only expect one guy to come out blazing and he’s up next.
- Blake Lewis - I Need To Know by J-Lo’s husband Mark Anthony. Heh. Her advice wasn’t to try to sing it big...she said “I want to see you pick that girl up.” Good advice.
It’s pretty solid but he keeps trailing off at the end of each line in the chorus instead of holding the note. That’s probably nerves. Unfortunately it stays exactly here...he didn’t in fact bring it like he usually does. He was better than Jordin which makes him best of the night, but it was not his personal best. Latin week doesn’t seem to agree with anyone here…
Randy: “Hot performance I liked that”
Paula: “Captured the essence of who you are”
Simon: “Best choice of song of the night best performance of the night so far” I don’t disagree with any of that, I just think that he made some mistakes that he could have avoided, and it would have made his performance great on it’s own, nit just better than the other mostly-sucky performances..
- Sanjaya Malakar - Dude, the show his hottie sister again, and some Sangina-faux-hawked jagoff wants America to know that he’s tapping that ass - he’s doing that macho dick arm around the girl posessively. Probably has a cock like a clitoris. Would he qualify for a post on Hot Chicks With Douchebags? I think so
Sangina is “singing” Bésame Mucho, an old 1940’s Spanish song. This oughtta be good for a laugh. J-Lo loves him. Hey, she should feel an affinity for someone who will need a whole engineering team in order to stay on key.
English or Spanish, the weakness in his voice cannot be hidden. It’s so weird, he literally doesn’t have the ability to project. I’ve never seen a person who wants to be a professional singer sing so quietly and with less energy. He cut the hair too...maybe he’s like Sampson and now he’ll lose all his momentum.
Or not. Since the fix is in. Doesn’t Nigel Lithgoe see the falling ratings? I think that he thinks that the Sanjaya madness is good publicity, but the rating say he’s wrong.
Randy: “You’re one of the smartest contestants I’ve ever met, That was actually really good”
Paula: “Very nice”
Simon: “I couldn’t understand a word of it, you sang like a 14 year old and I’m gonna hate myself for saying this but it wasn’t horrible” No, maybe not horrible this weak, but bland and uninspired. Like everything about his actual personality (not the fake one he’s created for the show).
Donna says the bottom three are Chris, Haley and Phil. I say Haley and Phil and LaKisha actually might get penalized for her crap performance. Eventually Melinda and Jordin will siphon off the diva votes...and it may start this week. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say LaKisha in the bottom three. We both say Phil goes home.
Posted by JimK at 08:42 PM on April 10, 2007
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Categories: Television, American Idol
Technorati: TV Music American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Haley Scarnato Blake Lewis Jordin Sparks Lakisha Jones Chris Richardson Melinda Doolittle Phil Stacey Sanjaya Malakar