A tale of two hucksters

Let me see if I can clarify this.  Je$$e Jack$son and Al $harpton both want Don Imus - a washed-up no-talent shock jock - fired over the term “nappy headed hos.” These same two self-appointed “black leaders” don’t have a god-damned thing to say about Crystal Gail Magnum, the lying whore who tried to destroy three young men by accusing them of rape - which we now know to be a completely and totally false accusation - and why?

Because Crystal Gail Magnum is black, and therefore Al and Jesse can’t get on TV or make any money off telling the world that they were wrong and she’s a whore and a liar who had the DNA of five different men - none of whom were Duke lacrosse players - in or on her body that night.

Let me rephrase one part of that.  Jesse ”Hymietown” Jackson and Al ”Tawana Brawley” Sharpton are calling for Imus’ head and at the same time not speaking out at all about the egregious violation of the law, the civil right of the (white) Duke lacrosse players and the enormous cost of the investigation all predicated on the lies told by a (black) stripper who was covered in and filled with strange men’s semen, none of them any of the defendants.

I don’t know how black people can stand those two clowns.  Every time I see them it seems like they’re setting race relations back 50 years.  To top it all off, I don’t know what’s worse: that these two are continually inserting themselves into situations where they don’t belong, that black people go along with it or that the media keeps paying attention to them when they pose and preen for the cameras.

Posted by JimK at 07:54 PM on April 11, 2007
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Categories: News,  Crime and Criminals,  The Fourth Estate,  The Stupidity Of Man
Tags: Don Imus Al Sharpton Jesse Jackson Crystal+Gail+Magnum Duke lacrosse

Dude dressed like a lady - Firefighter caught in bikini

Heh.

A Wayne Township volunteer firefighter is scheduled to appear Thursday in Mason Municipal Court on drunken driving and other charges after he was found wearing a woman’s blond wig and bikini in a public park.

Steven S. Cole, 46, Waynesville, was arrested about 5 p.m. Tuesday at Heritage Oak Park off U.S. 42 after Mason police received a report of an intoxicated man. Cole was charged with drunken driving, having an open container, public indecency and disorderly conduct.

He did not respond to calls Wednesday for comment.

He was busy.  Those legs aren’t gonna wax themselves, you know.

“It was like this freak show,” said Troy Harphant, 35. “I was a little taken by surprise by what I’d seen there. It was out of place with what should have been going on over there, that’s for sure.”

It was distracting from all the wife-swapping, cruising and pedos taking pictures of kids on swings.  Or that’s what I assume goes on at every park in America.  I had a rather messed up childhood, you see.  I might not have the clearest perspective.

Harphant said he saw what appeared to be a naked person on the bike path, fondling or exposing himself or herself. The person seemed to be scared off moments later by a jogger.

Harphant then said he saw the bikini-clad person hop into a parked blue Ford F-150 pickup truck with red emergency lights on top and he realized the person was a man.

“My wife said, “It’s a lady,’ and I was like, ‘No, it’s not a lady,’ ” Troy Harphant said.

I think Mr. Harphant’s wife was turned on a little.  Bi-curious maybe?  Steven Cole does look quite sexy in his ladyclothes.

OK, smartassedness aside, dude, that is something right there.  Sure, he’s a human being and it’s messing his life right up, but I reserve the right to laugh at a middle-aged fat guy in a bikini and a big-hair blonde wig.  What isn’t funny is that this asshole was driving his F-150 drunk off his ass.

Cole was unsteady and twice fell against the truck, Miller reported. Cole also fumbled through his wallet and handed him a debit card and a credit card when asked for his driver’s license.
...
“I asked Cole what he was doing wearing a woman’s bikini at the park where families frequent,” Miller wrote. “Cole did state he was headed to a ‘gay bar’ in Dayton to perform as a woman for a $10,000 prize.”

As the two spoke, Miller reported smelling alcohol on Cole, who also had slurred speech.

Police found an open, half-empty 40-ounce bottle of Budweiser in Cole’s truck.
...
Cole’s blood-alcohol test registered 0.174, more than twice Ohio’s legal limit of 0.08.

I hate drunk drivers.  Anyway...one more slightly damning-yet-funny part:

They also found a black gym bag with more blond wigs, women’s bikinis, long silver go-go boots and other women’s garments.

I’m thinking this was a lot more than just some drunk bastard on his way to a bar’s cross-dressing contest.

Posted by JimK at 08:09 PM on April 07, 2007
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Categories: Humor,  News,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: crime weird news cross dressing

Update on that strange Texas murder case

Well, this story certainly has a few extra details…

Police have said that, in the early morning hours of Dec. 11, Darrell Roberson called his Arlington home trying to reach his wife more than a dozen times before his 7-year-old daughter finally answered.

A short time later, Darrell Roberson, who had been playing cards in Dallas, headed to his home in the 6100 block of Ivy Glen Drive, police have said.

When he arrived, Roberson saw his wife, clad in a robe and underwear, with a man in a Chevrolet Silverado pickup, police have said. After Tracy Roberson claimed that the man was trying to rape her, her husband fired four shots at the vehicle as the man tried to drive away with his wife, police have said.

Well, that paints things quite differently.  The way we now understand it, Darrell Roberson was trying to call home all night, and no one answered.  When he finally got his daughter, he got nervous and drove home, where he came upon his wife - mostly naked - and a guy she claimed was raping her.  He grabbed the gun he had with him and only shot at the truck when it seemed like Devin LaSalle was kidnapping his wife!

Hmm.

Turns out the lying whore also told the cops that she was being raped.  Yay, extra criminal charges!  Tracy Roberson should do a lot of time over this.

At first I was a little weirded out by this story but the more details that come out, the more I totally understand the moral and legal choices that were made here.  This guy firmly believed his wife’s rapist was trying to kidnap her.  If I was absolutely sure of my shooting skills I might take a shot at the bastard too.  I’m too damn rusty these days to think about making a shot like that now, but if I was practicing and carrying like I used to?  Yeah, I can see it.

Hat tip: Ace.

Posted by JimK at 05:47 PM on April 01, 2007
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Categories: Crime and Criminals
Tags: Darrell Roberson Tracy Roberson Devin LaSalle crime criminals Texas

Weird Texas case - Husband commits homocide, wife charged with murder

It;s funny, but it’s really not;

Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup in the driveway.

Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson — thinking quickly, if not clearly — cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head.

On Thursday, a grand jury handed up a manslaughter indictment — against the wife, not the husband.

In a case likely to reinforce the state’s reputation for don’t-mess-with-Texas justice, the grand jury declined to charge the husband with murder, the charge on which he was arrested by police.

Oh my.  I’m full of sympathy for the husband and loathing for the wife, sure...and in a world where morality and justice matter more than the law, I might even understand and support this kind of outcome.  But...and this is the kicker:

Darrell Roberson, a 38-year-old employee of a real estate firm, discovered the two, his wife clad in a robe and underwear.

When Tracy Roberson cried that she was being raped, LaSalle tried to drive away and her husband drew the gun he happened to be carrying and fired several shots at the truck, authorities said.

See, the “rapist” was running away.  Bloodlust is one thing if the guy was still in the bedroom - and in the wife - but a responsible gun owner knows that you can’t fire once the immediate threat is stopped.  It’s just not right.

On the other hand, the wife’s infidelity and her action at the time of confrontation - the lie that she was being raped - could be seen as extenuating circumstances.  Clearly the grand jury in this case saw it that way.  Had she not lied and put her husband in a defend-my-wife frame of mind, he may not have pursued the action of shooting at the fleeing lover - a man Darrell Roberson was convinced had just raped his wife.

Lesson - don’t sleep with married women.  Ever.  Especially in Texas.

Posted by JimK at 09:08 PM on March 31, 2007
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Categories: Crime and Criminals
Tags: Darrell Roberson Tracy Roberson crime criminals Texas

Was the White House firing US Attorneys over porn?

Is it possible that most people that are following this story have at least one of the angles all wrong?  Was Brent Ward’s relentless crusade (along with Alberto Gonzalez of course) against porn the reason why some of the federal prosecutors lost their jobs?

Max Blumenthal says yes.  You’ll have to read the whole thing - not much of it would make sense excerpted out of context.  He makes the case that at least two of the firings were over refusals to prosecute simple obscenity cases - NOT CHILD PORN - just regular old obscenity.  You know, the thing that no politician has ever been able to define - ever.

I can’t express how much I hate the far Christian right as a political body.  Speaking of, check out this quick bite from Dave at Snarkbait re: James “Focus On The Family” Dobson.

But it’s people like Dobson and the religious right who have helped push me out of the Republican party.

Hear hear.

Posted by JimK at 08:33 PM on March 28, 2007
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Categories: News,  Politics,  Crime and Criminals,  The Federal Government
Tags: US Attorneys Alberto Gonzalez Brent Ward James Dobson

Never Forget

Heh.  Via Make:

Oh lighten the hell up.  By the way, if you want to see one of these oversized throwies up close, check this out.

*UPDATE*

Treacher may have abandoned his blog (the bastard!), but he’s still working the funny.

Posted by JimK at 09:49 PM on February 01, 2007
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Categories: Humor,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Boston Aqua Teen Hunger Force

And for my next campaign, I will promote The Simpsons by taping C4 and blasting caps to stop signs

You know, I tried to get some angle on yesterday’s whole Aqua Teen Hunger Force LED throwies disabling the entire city of Boston that wasn’t “Holy crap is Boston made entirely of stupid?” but…

...I can’t find one.  I can’t get mad at the ATHF guys or their press agency.  It was genius.  I can’t even say I understand the fear and panic, because someone somewhere in the whole city should have recognized a Mooninite and clued a cop in or something.  You can’t tell me the whole city has never heard of ATHF.

Sorry, the marketing campaign is brilliant, Boston’s reaction was hysterical and the terrorists have already won, people.  Look at how scared we are.  Well, not all of us.  I mean, this same campaign is running in what, ten other cities and not one of those cities has shut down in horrible, crippling fear that a 2 dimensional space invader that lives on the moon and likes to flip the bird is going to kill them all.  Bottom line, I have never liked Boston and this isn’t helping.

By the way, now that I have watched every ATHF episode, let me break it down:  Season 1 - genius.  Season 2 - better.  Season 3 - brilliant.  Season 4 - stupid loss of Dr. Weird intros, but the episodes were good.  This last season?  No intros at all, not even Mooninite crap, and the episodes are...off.  Not great.  Can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something wrong.  Probably they couldn’t care less about the show since they’ve been working on the movie.  That happens to every show that is still in production and tries to make a feature film.  Jerks.

*UPDATE* Video of the “pranksters” at YouTube.  “Pranksters.” As though they weren’t hired to do this by a marketing company.  It’s called viral marketing, “reporters.” Anyhoo, vid after the jump.

More

Well, I have two equal and opposite reactions here.  On the one hand, I LOVE the frustration you can hear in the voices of the reporters who cannot get these two to talk about the event.  On the other hand, it’s pretty clear they’re douchebags of the highest order.  Plus the dreadlocked one kept screwing up all his lines, and that’s just unprofessional.

No, in retrospect and upon a second viewing, my reactions are not equal.  The douchebaggery is definitely outweighed by the fact that they are utterly frustrating the Boston media.  They win.  Dreadlock and Bowlcut 1, Boston media 0.

*UPDATE* 2

Unreal.  Look at how angry Ace is over this!  Wow, I would think a guy who makes his “blog-living” being a sarcastic, snarky asshole to any and everyone (and I say that with admiration and as a fan!) would have a less “terrorists are going to kill us all with LED throwies” reaction.  And look at those comments...amazing how many people are willingly turning over their senses of humor to terrorists.

If we can’t laugh at this entirely stupid situation, then all jokes aside - the terrorists, by definition, have won.  They have created a state of terror in America, or at least in Boston.  And Ace’s head.  Plus, he says in the comments that he doesn’t believe thses two idiots were winding up the press, that instead they were giving him and the city of Boston the finger.

No, that was the Mooninite.  These two were most certainly ribbing the asshole reporters.

Less

Posted by JimK at 05:18 PM on February 01, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Boston Aqua Teen Hunger Force

The drug war

I would normally spend some time articulating my belief in legalization of soft drugs whenever the subject of the War On Drugs comes up.  If nothing else, legalizing marijuana would be a great moral and social victory for Americans.  Here’s where I feel completely comfortable in turning this one over to Lee, because he clearly and articulately illustrates why the War On Drugs is a waste of time and why those who support it are hypocrites.  Lee takes on John Hawkins and simply obliterates John’s stance (Hawkins favors the War On Drugs).

One thing I noticed in reading the piece: John’s arguments are, in flavor and tone, much like the arguments in favor of gun control - which have been proven, again and again in state after state, to utterly fail in the face of legalizing gun possession to the average citizen.  I’ll bet John doesn’t even see the similarities.

I should say that I like and respect John Hawkins and do not mean to insult him as a person.  I simply disagree completely with his positions, as does Lee.

Posted by JimK at 07:49 PM on January 28, 2007
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Categories: News,  Crime and Criminals,  The Federal Government,  Guns - 2nd Amendment
Tags: War On Drugs Right Wing News gun control

Hey FBI - How’s about doing some work domestically on that War On Terror I hear so much about?

Can someone explain to me how the FBI has time to raid mainstream porn companies like Wicked (and some of the “gonzo” companies like Diabolic) trying to catch them in 2257 violations?  Is there or is there not a threat of foreign and/or domestic terrorism in this country?  Has everyone applying for visas already had a background check?  Are all the students here on visas accounted for already?  Any violent federal crimes that haven’t been solved?  Anything at all we could be doing with five federally trained and funded FBI agents other than having them sit at the offices of various porn companies and stare at titties and birth certificates all day?  No?  Oh, well, sorry I asked.  What the fuck was I thinking, being concerned about how our tax money was being wasted at the same time I’m being reminded that terrorists want to blow my face off.

Some days I wonder just how in the hell we got here.  How we got to a place where the leader of my country looks me in the eye and tells me that the terrorists hate us for our freedoms, then he either personally, or through his backwater fundamentalist asshole administration, proceeds to eliminate as many of those freedoms as he possibly can.  What difference does it make if the terrorists keep threatening us to remake us in their image?  We’re doing it for them.

LEAVE.  THE.  TITTIES.  ALONE.  Go hunt terrorist, you useless fucking pieces of government shit.  FBI is Justice, right?  That means I can say “Fuck Alberto Gonzalez” on this one.  Because seriously, fuck Alberto Gonzalez.  With one of those Pyrex glass dildos.  On camera.  And burn his 2257 paperwork just for spite.

Asshole.

Source (NSFW)

Posted by JimK at 03:06 PM on January 26, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  News,  Politics,  Crime and Criminals,  The Federal Government
Tags: FBI 2257 Wicked Pictures Alberto Gonzalez.

More on the water intoxication death

Well, this audio is certainly damning.  These guys showed a complete disregard for any concept of safety and they were in fact aware of the possibility of water intoxication.  Turns out some criminal charges may be forthcoming.

On Wednesday, the Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department launched a criminal investigation into the incident, and attorneys for the family of Jennifer Lea Strange said they plan to file a wrongful death lawsuit against the radio station.

Good.

Posted by JimK at 09:50 PM on January 18, 2007
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Categories: The Stupidity Of Man,  Crime and Criminals
Tags: Jennifer Strange KDND Wii